Have Figure, Will Travel

Bearing a 1961 copyright but not released till 1963, HAVE FIGURE, WILL TRAVEL is a simple paen to nudism. While viewers are subjected to endless propaganda about the nudist movement being the efficacious mode to peace on earth, they are treated to pleasant views of 3 naked women against scenic backdrops.

Filmmakers hid behind pseudonyms, as sexploitation films did not achieve a chic aura until many decades later. They needn't have, since this is a creditable achievement on its own terms, reminiscent of the many silent with narration (or even live voice-over) travel films that circulated in the '50s and '60s. The difference is nudity.

Carol and Susan are Canadian nudists who decide to take a dream trip on the 50-ft. yacht of Carol's dad, while he's out of town. They talk their relatively shy pal Marge into joining them, not tipping her to the fact that their destination is a couple of nudist camps in New Jersey and Florida. None of the trio is a raving beauty or pin-up queen, but they are pleasant enough.

Voyage is so uneventful that many viewers will either doze off or flip the switch on this very minor entertainment. But the all-location photography held my attention. After the gals negotiate the locks to get from Canada onto the Hudson River, they have a brief shopping spree in Manhattan. The Jersey nudist camp permits Marge to unwind a bit, with the gimmick that playing with a free-as-a-breeze pre-teen girl helps convince her of the innocence of the skin lifestyle. All the while the narration treats us to gobs of "clothing-BAD; bare-GOOD" propaganda.

Centerpiece of the film is ironically all buttoned up -as the gals visit historic Charleston, North Carolina. This segment is not only educational and free of proselytizing, but proves by contrast that photogenic does not necessarily equate with nude women (though this film would have no legs 5 decades later without them).

Pic ends up at a camp in Delray Beach, Florida -oddly in recent decades the place has become nicknamed Dullray as a result of its skewing high in average resident age due to its retiree population, yet in the context of HAVE FIGURE it becomes a "who woulda thunkit" hip and progressive place. Footage proves once again that if you've seen one nudist camp, you've seen 'em all.

Once again it is underage kids who unwittingly convert Marge to become a card-carrying nudist (yes, in this film you do need an ID card). The message is innocence, and freeing one from the artificialities of civilization, as emphasized by Carol's yoga demo early on. I don't know how the nudist movement has fared in our increasingly conservative post-'60s world, but it is nostalgic to see such an innocent, if heavy-handed, presentation. Tech credits are fine.

Have Figure, Will Travel (1963)

* 1/2 (out of 4)

Carol and some friends want to see what the nudist life is all about so they take Carol's father's boat and decide to travel around seeing various nude camps.

HAVE FIGURE, WILL TRAVEL is a pretty bland nudist movie that manages to be boring from the opening credits to the closing ones. There's really not too much to recommend here and it pretty much follows the playbook as far as these types of movies go.

We start off meeting "good" characters. A couple of the characters want to have some fun but of course there's the one friend who is shy about it. We see how much fun can be had at nudist camps. We're told that it's natural. The shy friend then sees the light and strips off.

Again, there's nothing new here but to be fair if you've seen one nudie cutie then you've pretty much seen them all. The narration is quite silly, there's not enough nudity to stay entertained and for the most part it's a struggle to make it through this.