- [last lines]
- Bill Porter: A salesman drives down a dark country road, completely lost. After a time, he runs out of gas. Luckily there's a farmhouse that's on the road. He goes to the farmhouse and knocks on the door. The farmer's wife comes to the door and says, can I help you? Yes, he says, you can. I've run out of gas and I've lost my way. And she says, you can spend the night, but I don't have a daughter, and you'll have a nice room all to yourself. We don't have any farm animals, and my husband and I are happily married. The salesman looks around confused, and then he turns back to the farmer's wife and he says, oh gosh, I must be in the wrong joke.
- [chuckles]
- Gladys Sullivan: Oh, I'm sorry, I put a little vodka in there. Is it too much for you?
- Bill Porter: [handing back the orange juice] I probably shouldn't. I walk like a drunken sailor as it is.
- Bill Porter: A traveling salesman passes a farmhouse, and he sees a pig with a wooden leg. He says to the farmer, what's with the wooden leg? The farmer says, well that's a very special pig. A fews months back our house caught fire, and the pig came and woke us up and saved my whole family. So the salesman says, but why the wooden leg? Well hold on, the farmer says. My little girl was playing in the road, and one of those logging trucks lost his brakes, and the pig ran out and dragged her to safety. Well, that's amazing, says the salesman, but why the wooden leg? Well, says the farmer, you don't eat a pig like that all at once.
- Joey Wallace: I guess this is where I'm supposed to plant my foot, try to keep you from closing the door on me.
- Bill Porter: No, don't do that, that never works. I have to go.
- [Bill shuts the door on Joey]
- Bill Porter: I've never done well on the phone. Women find my voice sexy, and I think it distracts them.