Scorpion Thunderbolt

Best quote in the film-"Be careful....of the monster". 🤣🤣🤣. Total pile of trash production, but you get some tit shots every now and then. Really makes the perpetual confusion more bearable. The film ends quit abruptly (scripted from a 4th grader) and strangely you want more!

Another film based on a story by AAV Creative Unit This movie walks that fine line between being "one of the absolutely worst films ever made" and "one of the absolutely worst films ever made, yet somehow entertaining". Its a line it crosses and re-crosses frequently with in its 90 minute running time making for a surreal experience. (And don't get me wrong this movie is BAD, but its occasionally as low as you can go in badness and still be enjoyable in a jaw dropping sort of way.) The plot of this film has a witch queen sending off a rubber suited monster thats controlled by a guy playing a magic flute off to kill people while the cops try to stop the mayhem. Meanwhile in unrelated footage Richard Harrison runs around trying to look like he's part of the movie after a girl he picks up on the side of the road (after she flashes him her breasts) dies spewing orange ooze after a failed murder attempt during sex. I wish I was making this up.

Dreadful, this is a movie that will tax even the most jaded bad movie lover. Die Hard bad movie fans will eat this up most others will be shaking their head wondering what in the wide wide world of sports is going on how many people actually paid to see it.

Avoid.

Scorpion Thunderbolt is my 20th Godfrey Ho film to date, which means that, to my shame, I have now watched more films by Ho than I have Hitchcock. Ho is the yin to Hitchcock's yang, his films lacking in artistic merit, devoid of technical ability and free from the bounds of logic. Scorpion Thunderbolt is a prime example - a confusing mash-up of martial arts, monsters and magic that pays no heed to the established rules of cinema.

By re-editing scenes from 1983 Taiwanese horror Grudge of the Sleepwalking Woman, and inserting new footage featuring his go-to star Richard Harrison, Ho has created yet another wild and totally incomprehensible mess of random imagery that rarely makes sense. It's hard going at times, with scenes jumping awkwardly from the old footage to the new, terrible acting and dreadful effects, but occasionally the film entertains through its ineptitude and sheer bizarreness.

The plot, if one can call it that, concerns a pretty journalist called Helen Yu who transforms into a snake demon to kill women, her murderous impulses urged on by a semi-naked witch with golden talons and a blind man with a flute. Meanwhile, martial arts expert Harrison beats up and kills various baddies in his quest to destroy the witch using his magic ring, a golden sword and a mystical mirror.

Along the way, we witness a mental patient in a tree slinging animal guts at his carers, a hitch-hiker flashes her tits at Richard Harrison (before showing him her porn movie), Helen and her cop boyfriend Jackie run in slow motion along a beach, a man shoots snooker balls between a woman's legs, snakes attack Helen and Jackie while they are driving (animals were probably harmed during the filming of this scene), the witch does some expressive dance, and Helen transforms into a flying rubber snake-person.

You won't see any of that in a Hitchcock movie!

Another cut and paste film starring Richard Harrison from Joseph Lai's cinematic chop-shop IFD Films. But this time there is nary a ninja in sight as we have Harrison battling a demented witch who is killing people by controlling a woman who turns into a large half human/half snake monster. The main portion of the film deals with the snake woman and her love affair with a cop and that begins to get old after a while (although it is gory). The Harrison inserts have him going to find and destroy this "evil witch who lives in a red castle" and they are the highlight of the film. His first scene has him picking up a girl after she has flashed him on the side of the road. "I hate to see someone stand in the rain," he says. Then she tells him that she is an actress (she is actually an assassin sent by a witch) and they should head to the studio to check out her latest film. Cut to Harrison and that chick in a screening room watching one of her films which consists solely of her being tied up naked and painted on by some Chinese dude. Harrison looks at it completely stone faced and then leans over and says, "I've got to admit, you have f@#king talent!" She then proceeds to do a striptease for him set to the sounds of looped Jean Michele Jarre. The climactic battle features stings from both RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK and SUPERMAN. Awesome!

Dear God(frey)! What a bloody mess!

Poor Richard Harrison yet again finds himself acting out some completely nonsensical scenes which are then edited into a completely non related, even more nonsensical movie!

The plot concerns a female journalist who every now and then, against her will (at the beckoning of a blind, flute playing man) transforms into a snake demon type thing and proceeds to go on murderous rampages. This dramatic physiological change from a beautiful woman into a rubbery abomination is further instigated (so we're led to believe via newly edited in footage) by a wicked witch with long gold fingernails who spends her time banging on a drum and gyrating in a most uncoordinated manner....fair enough.

Harrison's scenes concern his possession of a magic ring which ostensibly holds the key to the dissolution of the witch's power and the witch's minions' subsequent attempts to relieve Harrison of the said item (by violent means) Yes indeed - this film is bad! Headache inducing-ly bad in fact, but if you're a Godfrey Ho fan, then you wouldn't have it any other way!

Highly recommended and a craptastic delight!