JAN: Erica, Jaclyn and Nicole are happy girls who stand out in a crowd. but what stands out here is the music: "Just follow the rhythm of life and you'll be alright. It'll be fun, tell everyone. It's a wild world for a boy and girl." Another power ballad. Great.
FEB: Natalia Sokolova (is that name for real?) is a Moscovite on a snowy mountain. "I'd travel 10,000 miles, just to get one of your smiles. Wish I had a pen, it's hard to know who I am." I give up, Sasha Distell with a hernia? A St Bernard shows up to help Natalia but nothing can save her from her next scene in a Jacuzzi. "It's so surreal, without you here. I feel so different, so unclear. You make me high on sweet emotion, ooh baby, love and devotion."
MAR: Angela is from the fire hydrant capitol of the world, Alabama and is writing a dear John letter to er, John: "Sorry things didn't work out. Gone to California, Angela." But there's no escaping the horror that's assaulting our ears.
APR: Vanessa has done a lot of swimsuit modelling work and is on a beach. The sound of rolling waves? Guess again. "You keep my heart beating right on time. I'm feeling so sublime." Quick, dive under the surf, 'nessa. "Come on, our love is strong. Come on baby, where we belong." Vannessa goes and disrobes in a church. They're quiet.
MAY: Stacey spills a basket of red apples. It's the shock of these lyrics. "You are everything. Oh, what youth can bring. Now I'm older, I feel a little bit bolder. I understand one thing." You can't sing? "We've wasted so much time, but I know everything is going to be fine." Stacey loves to travel and see the architecture of the world. Book that ticket now babe, and leave me your ear muffs.
JUN: Alexandria gets lonely in the Arizona desert. "I'd like to get to know you. Who knows, maybe you'd like to, too." Don't bet on it. "I'd like to show you everything I can, be your man." She'll never say she's lonely again.
JULY: For Lora, being in love is magical. Well, If music be the food of love, play on. "You turn me on. Come on baby, let me be the one. Don't wait too long, I'm feeling strong." I'm getting weaker. Me and my big mouth. I feel ill.
AUG: Modelling taught Lisa Dugan self reliance and independence. "This is our time, who knows what we'll find. Hold tight, everything's getting better." Please, write her a letter.
SEP: My brow is sweating. "There's a fire in your kiss, in your eyes I feel sweet bliss." My dog is chewing the carpet. "You've opened up the doors to my heart now, baby." A young delivery boy gives our playmate a letter. For heavens sake, run! You've got your whole life ahead of you. She is attracted to a compassionate man. "No matter how near or far, wanna be where you are. You got a hold on me, oh baby, can't you see?" No, everything's spinning. "Take my jealous heart, it tears me apart. Because you give me baby, everything I need." Be compassionate, stop singing!
OCT: Jaimie loves the pace in LA. I hate heavy Metal. "Bad girl, sweet thang, my heads in a spin." Join the club. "High heels, short dress, long legs, you're the best. Perfume, she won't get up before noon." After that, she won't get up ever. But wait. Jaimie is descending a staircase to the sound of (gasp) CLASSICAL music. We're saved. My vision is clearing. Just in time, someone's taking their clothes off.
NOV: Help, where's the remote? "The sky is clear, I look across the sea, I hope you're thinking of me." Drowning. Tiffany hopes to start in the criminology field. Well here's your first criminal record, babe. "So much passion in your kiss. Oh, baby, I like it like this. You took my heart now baby, like a thief in the night."
DEC: "You always found a way to liven things up. You are so sweet now baby, you're my buttercup." Enough. Uncle. Aunt. My entire extended family. Heather, me old playmate, I've learned nothing about sex from watching this video but I've learned more than I'll ever need to know about romance.
