Aliens in the Wild, Wild West

I feel like a better person for being able to stomach "Aliens in the Wild Wild West" in its entirety. This is, without a doubt, one of the top ten worst movies I have ever seen - and I've seen almost every episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. The acting is literally painful, assaulting your bowels like a rancid hot dog from the county fair. Taylor Locke (Tom Johnson) is the worst offender. Every line is delivered in robotic monotone. I'd rather sit through a fourth grade adaptation of Fiddler on the Roof than watch this again. Heck, I'd rather lick a public toilet seat. And a law should be passed that no actor may utter the conjunction "if'n" if they aren't going to at least attempt a southern accent.

That being said, I strongly suggest you watch "Aliens in the Wild Wild West". Watch it in a room full of your funniest friends and/or family, libations permitted. You will laugh. You will cry. You will run to the bathroom clutching your stomach, and you will have a deep feeling of pride when you make it to the closing credits.

Oh, and if "Jiffy" (the alien) is any indication of the other beings in the universe, I suggest we cancel all space exploration immediately.

Where's the movie I have seen in a long long time. This movie was so bad I couldn't stop watching it. Makes me wonder how movies like this can even get funded. Must be some sort of tax right off. Even for a kids show it's bad. Bad writing bad acting bad cinematography. Bad bad bad.

This movie is total garbage! 3/10 for the fact that it has a few moments of the "so bad it is actually funny" variety. The alien costume and movements are so terrible! They only show it a couple times because they can't even make it move, and when it does they rely on weird slo-mo effects and bad music because obviously it looks too terrible in real time. Terrible acting, writing, soundtrack just an awful movie start to finish.

I knew I was in trouble within the first minute or so of this film. Well, technically I knew even earlier than that since I was aware this was a Full Moon release...but anyways. The two main characters are a teenage boy and girl. Their father was played by some guy with a very European sounding name. He must have had a heavy accent or something because they dubbed another voice over his. Talk about irritating.

This is your usual Full Moon/Kushner-Locke low budget nonsense that some of us are sadly all too familiar with. The two teens end up at a deserted Wild West town with their parents. The girl steps through a floorboard in one of the buildings. Her brother spots a strange-looking device and decides to push a button on it. Next thing you know, they have both been transported to the 19th century.

As if that wasn't bad enough, a UFO crash lands nearby and it's up to the two kids to save the aliens from the local townspeople. It pains me just taking time out of my life just to type this.

The only (and I do mean ONLY) reason anyone might possibly want to see this is to see Carly Pope before she was on the TV show "Popular". Compared to everyone else, she looks like Meryl Streep doing a school play with sixth graders. 2/10

Here are some points to look out for: -Many of the actors in this movie sound exactly like they are speaking a language they do not understand and are just delivering nonsensical syllables, just like an alien would speak if mimicking human English speech. (the credits try to make you believe this is because it was made in Romania, but they didn't fool me.)

-Oppositely, the main boy-character speaks *perfect* English, but is so devoid of any emotion whilst simultaneously having beyond- human-child-level memorization and delivery skills that he must be an alien himself.

-The female lead is obviously a holographic materialization of a random 'Seventeen' magazine model, chosen by the aliens to represent the 'ideal' American teenage human girls' appearance, thereby helping make the movie popular. This is proven by the fact >that she has absolutely no intelligence whatsoever, a common characteristic of holograms.

-Just watch that preacher-man-thing. Hands down alien.

-The sheriff, too.

-In fact, I really think that the kid who plays 'Johnny Cole' or whatever is the only human who was in the movie, and had no idea that everyone else was an alien. Most likely he was a rejected character from the Nickelodeon show 'Hey Dude'.

-Finally, the actual 'aliens' that appear in the movie are simply far too realistic to be anything other than real aliens. It's impossible that human beings could create such realistic alien technology and costumes, therefore... real aliens. Heck, go buy it. It's a groundbreaking historical document!