Spread Eagles

Leonard Kirtman's KFI (Kirt Films International) soft- and later hardcore films for Distribpix all seem to follow a similar pattern: generally composed of three scenes, each takes up around a reel, delivering an hour-and-change of desultory bumping and grinding before some bit of inanity inevitably brings the (non-)story to its conclusion.

SPREAD EAGLES follows a pair of stewardesses, Janet and Kitty. Since it would be too much trouble to shoot on a plane (at least until he solved the problem by building his famous plane set several years later!), Len follows them in their off-hours, slipping in a few shots he sneaked at the airport for good measure. We begin with Janet, affecting a French accent that makes her narration nigh-incomprehensible (entire film is MOS, with stream-of-consciousness free-associative babble slathered over, another hallmark of the lowest-tier Distribpix cheapies). She manages to score a decent pickup, handsome military guy Don, and brings him back to her pad for canoodling. As they roll around on the couch, she muses about various sexy adventures she's had on the plane - material that would've made for a far more interesting movie than this one.

Second reel focuses on Kitty, who hooks up with some hippie dimbulb she met at a concert - again, all info we receive via narration as we watch the couple roll around on the same couch. Meanwhile, in the film's most interesting scene, Janet and Don reconvene on a secluded beach, where they strip down, frolic in the surf, and eventually make love in the water. Don strips off his swim trunks to reveal one of the most blazingly contrasting tan lines I've ever witnessed, but the sequence is more memorable for its sweet air of innocence and the joy in the couple's romping - a stark contrast to most of Kirtman's bang-it-out filmo. A still from this scene is memorably used on the poster, so it's clear everyone realized it was a highlight.

You always end with an orgy, so the entire cast of four reconvenes at Kitty & Janet's place for the final reel, where they take turns rolling around in various combinations on the couch and the floor. Film ends abruptly with a stupid downer - a typical bit of half-a**ed "redeeming social value" slapped on without any rhyme or reason, merely a sop to keep the movie from getting busted. As though anyone could have roused the interest to care.