The Wedding Tackle

no wonder the British film industry is in such dire straights! The script has as much wit as the graffiti in the toilet of my local pub, the director could take lessons from a traffic warden, the actors flounder like fishes out of water, and the technical credits look like the crew never stopped their partying from the night before quite long enough to even consider caring about this stinking, rotten mess.

The story is dumb, the dialogue is wooden, the performances are perfunctory, and the attempts by the director to spice the tale up with frissons of kinky sex are unfortunately the only thing we're igven to laugh at - and this is unintentional! If this is the best the filmmakers can do, let's hope they all kept their day jobs - cos they ain't getting' no more money for movies from no-one!

People may question my taste if I admit to admiring Tony Slattery, and I'm quite aware that I'm in a rightfully tiny minority here. So, for me to then claim with complete conviction that he is far and away the best thing about this film, should prove to the majority what an absolutely atrocious waste of time this is.

Slattery is, in fact, the one member of the cast who puts any effort into creating a character. This character may be every bit as loathsome and unsympathetic as the others featured, but at least his gurning and gyrating proves that is trying to make the best of a very slim script. Everyone else just looks bored and pained to the point of contempt - contemptuous of themselves that they find themselves involved with this utterly unlikable feature, and contemptuous (it felt, watching it) with their audience, for paying to see it.

The plot has potential, but the farce is unravelled lazily and with no attention whatsoever. The character of Claudagh could have been pivotal, and the eventual conclusion seems designed to make it appear that she has been behind the pay-offs of at least two of the characters. However, it takes the viewer about a second to realise that none of this makes any sense whatsoever: the strands of the plot are not pulled up sharply, as in classic farce, but resolved clumsily and coincidentally.

The soundtrack too is abysmal - what on earth were they dancing to in that nightclub? Even the worst of recent British comedies have managed to create some semblance of contemporary British life. This was released in 2000, but feels every bit as dreary and uninspired as a damp November Tuesday evening in 1982.

Quite the worst film I've seen since... ooh, Carry On England. Poor Tony - he's worth so much more.

... to continually produce badly scripted movies ?

Make no mistake , the core problem with THE WEDDING TACKLE is the screenplay. Didn`t anyone notice before they started shooting that this film has no premise , no plot and is full of under developed characters ?

As soon as the movie started I thought I was going to be watching some sort of bitter/sweet rom-com , then I thought I was going to be watching a bawdy sex comedy , then I thought I was going to be watching a comedy thriller , then I thought I was going to be watching a farce and all these conclusions took place within the first 15 minutes of the movie , which incidentally feels like it was made by a bunch of under talented film students . If people in Britain can`t be bothered to develop a script for a cinematic release why should people flock to the cinema to see their movie ?

" Anything else you want to warn us about Theo ? "

Yes . You know the worst actor in Britain ? , the one from EASTENDERS who got shot by a bunch of daffodills in 1988 then returned to the show last year , you know the actor who`s so wooden he only gives a good performance as a forest . Well he plays the villain in THE WEDDING TACKLE which that alone is reason enough to give this thoroughly unentertaining movie a miss

" TAXI "

I actually worked on this film. I was one of the first to read the script and thought it had great potential. ... But defeat was snatched from the jaws of victory when, for some reason, the producer who'd written the script and had funded the film, decided to get a friend to direct it. This director had only worked in theatre before and worse still, had no idea how to direct and pace comedy. This quickly permeated though to the crew, and worse, the cast. They just switched off and went through the motions. It was awfull to be there and see it. Every one working on this, apart from the producer and director, knew it was going to flop.

I can only agree with the previous reviewer - a complete and utter waste of time and money. This film has the misfortune to be one of the worst I have ever seen - I only stayed 20 minutes, and that was around 19 minutes too long. The advert for the local curry house was like Gone with the Wind compared to this. Poor script, rubbish editing, some terrible acting and the use of some bizarre plot contrivances... what were the makers thinking of off? A 3 year could have done better than this.

Still, my curry was good