My story: I was in the video store, trying desperately to find something to rent, so I could just get home and end what was probably a miserable day. (It's been a long week. Don't ask.) As I've found myself so many times before, I was standing in front of the "horror" section. I thought it might be fun to rent a bad scary movie to laugh at.
Now see, the trick to renting a "good" bad scary movie is in finding one that's just good enough to almost justify watching. There is nothing better than finding a horror movie that walks that thin line between being at least redeemingly scary and laughably stupid. I repeat: nothing better. Not fresh baked brownies. Not sex. Not puppy breath. Nothing.
Problem with this film is my review thus far is just as frightening as the entire movie. It wasn't even good enough for me to waste my time laughing at. I saw better acting at my brother's second grade Christmas pageant. The special effects were comparable to sock puppets. And there were plot holes big enough to throw Ranger Bill's big stupid hat through. It's like the writers thought up the twists at the end and convinced themselves they didn't need to go along with the actual stories themselves. It's the film equivalent of someone tearing out the last few pages of The Grapes of Wrath and writing in "Rosasharn kills them all" in crayon on the back cover. I fell asleep for the beginning of the third story and didn't even bother rewinding it, because by that time I'd learned that seeing the whole thing still wouldn't make it make any more sense.
If you're looking for a glorious trainwreck of a movie . . . this one is not for you. However, if you're looking for a movie that drags itself along like a half-dead chipmunk, searching hopelessly for even a modicum of redemption before finally fading into a painful death that couldn't have come soon enough, maybe you should check it out.
If not, give it to someone you hate to kill them a little inside.
