Lady, Stay Dead

"Lady Stay Dead" may be the most inept horror movie I've ever seen.

It's the kind of movie where you stop paying attention to whatever's supposed to be happening on screen and start tallying off every mistake the director made.

Like when the lady discovers her neighbour's body hanging in his shed - why did the killer move it to such a prominent position? Could it be that the plot wasn't going to continue moving unless she realised he'd been killed?

Or what about the scene where the killer and the lady are playing tug of war with a garden tool through a hole in the front door? Cuts from the killer to the lady show they are obviously holding opposite ends of something completely different. The director doesn't even bother to make this appear convincing.

The killer, bearded and bespectacled, is the least threatening example of such a man I've ever seen in a movie. He's more like Forrest Gump than Jack the Ripper; indeed, in a scene where he is supposed to be strangling somebody, you can clearly see he only has the gentlest possible grip around her neck.

The police that arrive to help her are also among the most useless I've ever seen in a film. At one point a motorcycle mounted policeman rides his bike straight at the killer with no regard to his own safety. Of course he goes flying, but on second thought this may have been the safest option for him: these police are so pathetic with guns I was waiting for the moment when one missed so badly they shot themselves in the face instead. They arrive in pairs with weaponry, and are almost immediately in the same position as the poor young girl, at the killer's total mercy, and you're thinking: don't they have training or something for situations like these? How can a killer this moronic immediately bring two policemen to their knees?

Every scene of violence is so badly done you have to guess at what you're supposed to be seeing. There's a rape scene, for example, that looks more like the perpetrator is trying to push a couch into place. He drowns the victim, but at one point she obviously moves inside the bag she's been placed inside. Is this why the movie is called "Lady Stay Dead"? Well, no matter, she does "stay dead". The movie forgets about the fact that she is apparently still alive and does nothing with it; she's a corpse in all future scenes.

It defies belief that this was made by the same guy who did "Night of Fear" and, especially "Inn of the Damned". It also defies belief that it was made by someone who had ever directed a movie before.

The first 30 minutes are like "Oh God! This sucks" but after the sister gets to the house on the movie it gets pretty cool. Even though you know who the killer is & don't think he's scary, the music & direction make it seem like a slasher or gore movie. Its not real bloody or scary but I liked it.

Greetings And Salutations, and welcome to my review of Lady Stay Dead. Before we get into it, here are my ratings:

Story - 1.25 Direction - 1.00 Pace - 1.25 Acting - 1.00 Enjoyment - 1.25

TOTAL - 5.75 out of 10

Tell me truthfully, when you read the title, how many of you are thinking, A Weekend At Bernie's? I know I was. I expected a corpse that wouldn't stay dead. But the name is misleading. The lady he kills stays dead, and the other he's chasing, he doesn't want to hurt - well, not just yet.

What the writer and director of this Dark Thriller give us is the story of an accidental killer. Who regretfully slaughters the object of his lustfulness. The subsequent series of unfortunate events leads him on a killing spree. What makes this such a captivating film is the main character. Gordon Mason is written possessing a child-like innocence. That leads him into some slightly off-kilter conversations and beliefs. His sexual preferences verge on the rough and voyeuristic, and he believes everybody feels the same way. He cannot accept Marie's hate and disdain after forcing himself on her. Mason believes they both had a great time. And it's this behaviour that adds the chills that run down your spine. I wish he had written the remaining personalities as deliciously, but they are your stereotypical cop and damsel in distress.

Luckily, Terry Bourke is as good behind the camera as he is at pushing a pen. Though the movie is shot in an average manner and the pace is a steady trot, it works with the story. My attention stayed on the screen and kept my interest. It helped that he kept everything illuminated, so you didn't miss anything.

The cast, on the whole, is okay, though I was happy to see the back of Marie. Deborah Coulls was too wooden and shouty. I found it hard to understand that Mason had a crush on her as she treated him like dirt. But, hey, that's why it's called fantasy isn't it(?) However, Chard Hayward keeps your attention as he remains calm and constantly creepy throughout as Mason.

I would prescribe Lady Stay Dead to lovers of the slasher genre, especially on a dark night, in front of a fire, and next to your beloved. Gordon Mason may chill your soul a little. Worth one watch.

Please feel free to visit my Killer Thriller Chillers list to see where I ranked Lady Stay Dead.

Take Care & Stay Well.

Mind tipped Handyman, Hayward who gets treated look one of his tools, by a successful bitchy model- Coulls from The Restless Years finally snaps, raping and killing her. A lot of us guys have been there too. How the film got this title, I'm buggered if I know. Coulls's character would chafe a lot of guys. Hayward, playing the reverse of his in control and sexually alluring character norms, is almost a childlike character, here, ill treated by Coulls, not even being allowed to come into her house. When verbally striking back, telling her what it feels like to be one of her tools, she just abusing him more, as if what he said, went in one ear and out the other. Prior to Coulls getting it, when entrapped in the house I liked, as well as seeing her nude. It was great here to really see Hayward, return forth, his own brand of retribution towards her, that is funny in part too. But our disturbed Chard had developed a sexual fascination for her, an obsession, that has eventually led to her demise. He so much obsesses with her, he replaces her with a mannequin at the start. Hysterical, especially played against a mellow soundtrack I liked. Getting rid of Coulls's body is only the start of his problems. Big sister is in town for a visit, so Chard must play the part of the stable minded handyman, where other complications develop, the biggest, when the cops finally arrive on the scene where it's a standoff between them and Hayward. The sister, out of harms way at this stage, even insults the cop, as not taken psycho Hayward, as seriously as he should. This is a good situation plotted movie just like Bourke's "Brothers", with some sick violence, but it's a good watch, one reason for Coulls's over the top acting, where in contrast, this is one of Hayward's best performances.

This semi-obscure Aussie psycho thriller would probably be better known if it hadn't been overlooked by the Director of Public Prosecutions when compiling the UK Section 1 list of 'video nasties; it could easily have bumped the DPP39 up to a round 40, due to a harrowing scene in which the film's antagonist, gardener Gordon (Chard Hayward), rapes and kills pop star Marie (Deborah Coulls). No doubt Marie would have thought twice about upsetting Gordon if she had known how unbalanced he was: obsessed with his pretty boss, Gordon's hobbies include rolling around on his bed with a life size doll of the songstress. and spying on her at the beach whilst she exercises.

After doing away with Marie, Gordon proceeds to bump off her elderly neighbour Billy (who catches the gardener trying to dispose of the singer's body), and then terrorises Marie's sister Jenny (Louise Howitt), who had arranged to house-sit while Marie was on a location shoot. However, Jenny proves much tougher to kill, the woman fighting back a la Kevin McCallister.

Directed by Terry Bourke, the man responsible for kicking off the '70s Ozploitation craze with Night of Fear (1973), Lady Stay Dead is a tense, well acted slice of sleazy horror, with a suitably demented psycho (prior to killing, Gordon had been content with seducing and abusing local bored housewives), a likeable protagonist in Jenny (who is nothing like her obnoxious sibling), plenty of mean-spirited violence (a man is burnt alive and even a dog is killed), and a well-handled, action-packed finale, as brave security officer Clyde Collings (Roger Ward, who played Fifi in Mad Max) comes to Jenny's aid.

The final act does stretch plausibility just a tad, Collings stupidly (and fatally) turning his back on Gordon after a fight in a swimming pool, and the gardener being catapulted through a car wind-screen when hit by a motorcyclist, but on the whole this is a very effective chiller that might be held in higher regard by horror fans had it benefited from the same notoriety as numerous far less worthy titles.