Merlin: The Return

Wow. I don't think I have ever been so torn as I have been watching "Merlin The Return". Rik Mayall, Adrian Paul, and so many others put in absolutely wonderful performances.

However, there were 2 MAJOR points that made this utterly disasterous.

1) The American Kid. There are some scenes that's he's good in. Most, he is just... BAD to be kind.

2) The "Modern Day" characters about town. The main ones they focused on (including the kids) seemed too accepting of Merlin and his appearing. Someone could of said "he appeared out of nowhere", and someone else laugh it off. If perhaps it was established better that Merlin was known as "the town nutter" (a little extra dialog could of killed that one) and only one person believed he was really Merlin (say the girl or her mother), then there could be a better believability. Also, everyone seemed to be a bit nonchalant when Merlin uses his magic and then Mordred comes through the gateway the first time.

Yet through the holes, lies a pretty darn good story for the most part, and some solid acting and swordplay. Really a fun movie.

I gave it 5 out of 10, because of the distractions, but it's still a very fun movie, though better for kids than adults (and that could of easily been fixed).

Merlin: The Return I didn't find quite that bad, but it was not a good movie at all either. There are a few assets that made it more bearable. The music is decent, with some times where it's mystical and others where it's tongue-and-cheek. The late and very talented Rik Mayall is the best actor in Merlin: The Return and is also the best thing about it, while he plays it straight he does not take it too seriously, in fact he's actually very entertaining. Julie Hartley is a beguiling Guinevere and she and Mayall have enjoyable chemistry together that was not as present between her and Patrick Bergin. Tia Carrere has had a fair share of bad movies but she's nearly always been one of the redeeming merits, here she plays charming and bitchy quite well and also doesn't take it too seriously or go overboard despite having a type of role that easily could have gone either way. Leigh Greyvenstein is appealingly winsome and plucky, by far and away the best of the child actors. There are a few parts that were genuinely funny too, especially when Merlin tells Arthur how to contact the Lady of the Lake, the movie is photographed reasonably and some of the make-up was nice.

However, the rest of the cast don't work, either being over-the-top or wooden. The worst case was Byron Taylor who is awful, he plays his character in such a surly way that he comes across as a zombie completely devoid of any emotion. Patrick Bergin has his moments but while like Mayall he plays it straight unlike Mayall he does take it too seriously and acts like a wimp at times. Adrian Paul is wooden with some truly unintentionally hilarious line delivery. And Craig Sheffer is saddled with the most thankless character and chews the scenery to pieces so much(growls, barks and all) that you can't take him at face value and he doesn't ever come across as a threat. The characters are both annoying and underdeveloped with Merlin being a notable exception, and the dialogue is just terrible with no effort to make the characters interesting, create magic or mystery and it is laden with humour that is never really funny and is rather stupid instead. Apart from the photography Merlin: The Return is a cheap-looking film, the special effects look like a half-assed last-minute job, the costumes are fancy-dress quality, the lighting has a rather drab look and most of the sets apart from the odd nice one looked like they were made of polystyrene made and coloured in haste. The action sequences are disadvantaged by the poor production values but are hurt even more by the sloppy pacing, unimaginative choreography that has a slow-motion quality to it and basically just the lack of fun and excitement. The story has no wonder or magic whatsoever, it's often very dull and didn't seem to know whether to take a straight-faced approach or play it for laughs, it felt like it was trying to do both but failed. The mix of archaic and modern was slightly confusing and didn't mesh well together.

To conclude, mediocre, the worst assets actually being very bad but it has a few things that keep it from being worse. 4/10 and that's mainly for Mayall. Bethany Cox

Another film watched for the "How Did This Get Made" podcast, "Merlin: The Return" is not just the worst film I've watched for them, but one of the worst I've ever seen.

Having used a spell to trap all the characters of Arthurian legend in another dimension, Merlin (Rik Mayall) is disturbed to learn that Mordred (Craig Sheffer) is communicating with present day scientist Dr. Joan Maxwell (Tia Carrere) and that she is close to a scientific breakthrough that free them. To stop them he. . . . actually what does he do?

I'm genuinely not sure whether the film has a plot that you can follow. A bunch of stuff happens, sure, but motivations, powers and plot seems to alter minute by minute. There are some kids in present day South Africa (don't try and convince me that's the UK film, for it definitely isn't) and they're involved. One of them is threatened by Mordred that they have to kill Merlin, or he'll kill his mother - but like so many other plot points in the film ultimately it comes to nothing.

So, the story is dreadful, as are the visual effects (though this might be expected as it's a low budget film.) but the performances are ... also terrible. With an oddly muted Rik Mayall maintaining his dignity slightly, but the rest of the cast, who are all B-Movie regulars and semi recognisable faces like Adrian Paul are universally awful.

I could keep going but I'll end up repating myself. This is bad.

Nearly a laugh a minute, and some were probably intentional. The performance of Adrian Paul as Lancelot caused giggles every time he spoke, and a less regal Arthur I cannot imagine. If you give this film any thought it fell apart even more thoroughly than on a total suspension of disbelief. Only Rik Mayall seemed to have got the joke. My 9 year old boy loved it but even he thought that it was totally unbelievable!

If, when in the cinema, children are spinning round to stare at you, it means either that the film itself is terminally terrible or you've sprouted a massive boil on your forehead that you hadn't quite noticed. The first answer is, of course, the right one. And as for "Merlin The Return", it's a stinker in a division all of its own. It's almost as if director Paul Matthews had accepted a bet to make the worst possible film. Well, he's succeeded, and his winnings are bound to be more than Merlin will ever make.

Matthews' lumbering style sees the picture heave from one gormless scene to the next, helped on its way by the most awful acting. Rik Mayall (Merlin) trots out his usual sweaty desperation and manic panic, Patrick Bergin (King Arthur) looks like an embarrassing dad (complete with silly wig and glitzy, disco-friendly pullover), while the token American (no doubt included to secure international release - some hope) is a kid who seems to be reading his lines off Merlin's forehead.