Hammerman

The millisecond I saw an episode of "Hammerman" on video for sale at Buck-A-Book (my favorite hunting ground for cheesy cartoons nobody else seems to remember; this isn't a plug, just a Public Service Announcement) I knew there was no way it wasn't going to end up coming home with me. Now, since I'm the first person to comment on this cartoon, and I always feel sad thinking about our dear Stanley Kirk Barrel's career, I'll be very NICE here.

The animation isn't all *that* bad. It might be cheap and choppy, but it also looks a lot like graffiti art, so it matches the old-school rap theme. And you'd be hard-pressed to find a purer form of cheese.

And, well, those are the only NICE things I have to say about "Hammerman", so I'll stop here. Those singing twin ladies might just be my new heroines, though.

It was wonderful to remember my childhood memories because he is my favorite rap singer. I wanted to be like him when I was a young kid. I wanted to be like him for sing for microphone to dance all the time at my home when I was growing up.

Hammerman! Hammer! Hammerman! Hammer! Whenever there's a crime the goons are gonna do time They all better beware, cause the Hammerman will be there! Here's how it started A long time ago The legend of the hammer and how it began to grow! He was given magical shoes from a hip hop mo-town dude! Together they had power, they stood up for what was right But Gramps was getting old and he couldn't keep up the fight (Right) So Gramps and his granddaughter they went out on the road (Searchin) To find the man they knew could tell who was worthy of the load! They met a guy named Sally (Stan) He was dancing every night! He helped those kids play everyday His heart was out of sight! So Gramps opened up the bag, and took out the magical shoes He set them on the ground and they soon began to groove (right) The shoes knew at once they had finally found their man They hopped right on his feet and he became HAMMERMAN HAMMERMAN, HAMMER HAMMERMAN, HAMMER HAMMERMAN, HAMMER HAMMERMAN, HAMMER OH YEAH!

I actually remember this as a kid (as it debut the same year as Darkwing Duck, another superhero cartoon I like). Hammerman is another in a long line of cartoons based around real life famous folk. The celebrity this one focuses on is MC Hammer, who everyone knows for hits like "Can't Touch This".

Basically, this cartoon tries to turn MC Hammer into a superhero. The origin story we get is in the theme song, as youth center owner Stanley Burnell is visited by Grampa, an elderly man who back in the 60's and 70's, fought crime as Soulman, wearing a pair of magic talking shoes to transform. Stanley is given the shoes, and when he puts them on, he becomes Hammerman, and with the power he inherits, protects the city of Oaktown from wacky supervillains themed after various crimes.

Yeah, we can already tell this is going to be a train wreck, as the series only lasted thirteen episodes before being yanked off the air. Basically, the series is another one of those preachy shows meant to educate kids on stuff (the pilot episode "Defeated Graffiti" teaches about how bad graffiti is, Rapoleon is supposed to teach about not picking on those smaller than yourself, etc). Sadly, they fall through. Each episode has a live action wraparound introducing the lesson the episode teaches, and at the end, it has MC Hammer himself lecture to the kids about what they learned. But when it gets to the animated segment (you know, what the kids want to watch), that is where it falls apart. The villains used are basically based on actual crimes (Defacely Marmeister, who debuts in Defeated Grafitti, is based on vandalism via graffiti, and has the power to turn graffiti into monsters, and Rapoleon is a Napoleon clone who wants to shrink Oaktown because, get this, people picked on him for his small size). Seriously, these villains sound like bad guys who would be either B-listers or C-listers. Also, the episodes do a horrible job teaching the moral, and the animation is a bit iffy (Defeated Graffiti is the worst, as it has static animation, making it look more like a pilot pitch than an episode for air). This is one stinker to avoid.

In today's world of giant robots slaying mutant roaches with mysterious ray guns, people sometimes forget the simpler pleasures of an animated cartoon show based on the life and times of mega-star MC Hammer. Who was the real star of this show, Hammer, or his magical, talking dance-shoes? The world may never know. I know in my heart of hearts that this odd assemblage of pop culture and nonsense had some sort of message, but i really can't figure out what that was. Perhaps if one is bold enough to dream big dreams and reach for the stars, then they too can find a pair of magical dance shoes that will wisk them away to a world where crime and evil can be "danced" out of town. Fight on, sweet hammer, fight on.