Girl in Gold Boots

Before there was "Showgirls" there was "Girl in Gold Boots". This film is even worse and worse made. You know, I really think the director took himself seriously when he made this movie. Sad, is it not? But I think he didn't realize that he had a budget to stick to when making this movie.

The plot? Michele is a wanna be dancer (who really can't dance, but we're lead to believe she's the best) but is unfortunately kept with her alcoholic father in the popular restaurant "Eat". But when a Kasey Kasim wanna be walks in with promises to make her a professional dancer with the help from his sister who is the "main attraction" in L.A., she leaves within the blink of an eye. On their way they pick up a hitchhiker, Critter. Of course there will be tension since everyone loves Michele's looks.

When they finally arrive in L.A., and there is Christmas decorations all around Hollywood, where's a better place to go than a haunted house? But it's just a hidden dance joint where the dancers look like they're more having seizures and clucking like a chicken then dancing. Michele, Buz, and Critter get involved deeper than they would want in the business with a slick greasy pusher who owns the joint. When Buz's sister, Joanie, is obviously in bad shape from drugs and possibly overdosing on the fake eyelashes, she confesses that she once had a "pretty mind" and tells Michele to get out before Leo, the pusher, takes her down too. But can Critter and Michele make it alive when they already know too much about a plot and a murder that doesn't make much sense?

Oh, man. You have no idea how poorly made this film was made, I mean we're talking just God-awful acting, poor sound, bad editing, atroshish writing, and a horrific picture. I just loved how in one scene, it's just Critter and Michele are sitting ALONE at a table, but in the blink of an eye Buz is in the picture. I loved MSTK3's commentary "I'm back! Come on! I just teleported here! It's impressive!". Watch the MSTK3 episode, that's the only way you'll enjoy the film.

1/10 for the film 10/10 for MSTK3's version

This is a movie that wants to be kinda sleazy in a big bad way - you know, to show the dark underbelly and mean streets of the evil big city in a stark, realistic way, while contrasting it all with the hopes and dreams of a starry-eyed ingenue. And to show those dreams crashing down as the aforementioned starry-eyed ingenue is sucked into a downward spiral of sex, drugs and despair.

Sorry, though. This movie only manages to be lame. The fruity hippie-philosopher-musician (who can't play guitar worth a damn!!!), the allegedly menacing but actually ineffective villain (the world's oldest "bright young man"), the continuous near-nudity... well, OK, there are some good parts...

By the way, MST3K loves to show movies featuring greasy, oily villains, but the vaguely levantic nightclub owners in this movie definitely get my vote as most oleagenous of all.

Girl in Gold Boots (1968)

** (out of 4)

Michele (Leslie McRay) is living in a small town working at a dead cafe for her drunk father. One day Buz (Tom Pace) stops in and offers her a chance for Hollywood. Michele has always wanted to be a go-go dancer so she goes along and the two head out for brighter days but end up in trouble with some crime boys.

Ted V. Mikels' GIRL IN GOLD BOOTS, for some reason, has a very bad reputation and I'm going to guess it's because it appeared on Mystery Science Theater 3000. It seems if you were on that show you were automatically labeled as being awful. Having seen most of the director's work I can honestly say that this here is actually a fairly well-made picture compared to most of them.

Mikels made a career out of making ultra low-budget movies and some of them managed to gain some acclaim just for their camp value. This film here really isn't all that campy and for the most part I would argue that it's at least well-made and especially when you consider the budget. The film at least looks professional and a far cry from some of the movies that Mikels would direct in the 70s and 80s.

With that said, there's still no question that there's not too much entertainment here. The story is a pretty familiar one as a couple good people go looking for riches and end up in trouble. The performances range from decent to poor but with the lack of any real exploitation the film is just a tad bit too dull for its own good.

Joy Division's Ian Curtis would often cause chaos at his concerts, because his dancing style closely resembled an epileptic seizure: bystanders would call 911 just to be on the safe side. I've never known how Curtis developed such a bizarre style, but I'm fairly certain he owned a copy of "Girl In Gold Boots". I also can't fathom why a woman that a) clearly can't dance, b) clearly can't act and c) isn't married to someone powerful would get cast as the lead of a musical, but one thing's for certain: this is about a dozen times as entertaining as a competent musical. The movie was produced and directed by prolific Z-grade horror/sci-fi legend Ted V. Mikels, who seems out of his comfort zone when he can't use zombies, evil witches or crazed serial killers who feed victims to cats. The movie doesn't have any plot, it just drags itself from one strange dance scene to another. But that's fine by me. Seeing our lead and her marginally less untalented co-star dance like they're on stilts never stops being entertaining. If anything, this movie should have more awkward dancing rather than less. Very palatable, for all the wrong reasons of course.

If it weren't for that brilliant show, no one would have ever seen this movie after the 60's...not that that's a bad thing.

This movie is a big, steaming pile of continuity errors and bad acting. There was a vague plot buried beneath all of this, however it was as thin as paper and made transparent by the grease dripping off of the actors.

There are countless errors and inexplicable scenes in throughout this movie. Who could forget Buz magically teleporting into the booth at the diner? Who could forget the utterly mind-boggling dune buggy scene? It seems as though this movie was made for MST3K, and, I warn you all, should not be viewed under any circumstances without the hilarious one-liners of Mike and the robots.