Nightmare Asylum

The traditional dictionary definition of "asylum" is "a place where one can be safe" – a shelter, sanctuary, refuge. Back during the 1930's when I was a kid, my folks would take me to a wildlife sanctuary, and I'd get to feed stale bread to ducks. Therefore, one might assume that a nightmare asylum would be a place where people who suffered from nightmares could go to have pleasant sleep. Or, since this was a fantasy movie, perhaps a place where repetitive nightmares could go to obtain some much needed rest. For instance, I repeatedly dream that it's the first week of the academic year, that there are several classes that it's very important I attend, that I don't know where or when they are, and that the university has a policy of never releasing such information. That could use a rest, as well as the one where I'm teaching a class with no idea of what I'm supposed to be teaching. However, this wasn't such a movie. Unlike other reviewers, I watched it through to the end, though with the sound turned down because I couldn't make out what the nice folks in it were saying anyway and my dog needed her nap. The set was super low-budget, which I liked: mostly a cellar with steam pipes and the usual corridors that lead to dead ends. If the cast had appeared on the old Dragnet show, each member would have been arrested for overacting. The theme music should have been People, people who ear people / Aren't the most popular people in the world. The hamburger and various scrap meats seemed fresh enough, and leaner than what one usually finds in supermarkets, while the spaghetti seemed sufficiently cooked but not overcooked. I hope that the cast and staff salvaged most of their gore grub afterwards. The fight and dismemberment choreographies were frantic, unconvincing and boring. Especially those of a large, bewigged gentleman who waved a huge knife and his small, skinny gentleman pal. Since this film was made in the early 90's the pal didn't seem to be a Significant Other. That was kind of the author, producer and director.

"Nightmare Asylum" is part of a DVD collection called "Decrepit Crypt of Nightmares". I purchased the set with my eyes wide open, I knew the films in the collection were made by a group of East coast filmmakers who were trying to create an alternative b-movie industry and with limited resources. Most of these films are actually not bad. "Nightmare Asylum" on the other hand...

Yes, it was pretty bad. I only endured the whole thing because I don't like not finishing something. I started to watch it and was determined to view it to the very end. Strangely enough, once I had accepted that this was a badly made film with horrendous acting, I actually found myself enjoying it somewhat.

A woman is in an insane asylum, and we see her chased from the beginning, with zero back-story about why she or the others are there: The rest of the film looks like a horrible Rob Zombie production cut by MTV editors on speed; There is absolutely no plot, no suspense, just a lot of grotesquerie, and the Gustav Holst estate should sue for the film's blatant bastardization of THE PLANETS.

Nightmare Asylum is the first of many Todd Sheets movies on the Decrepit Crypt of Nightmares box set. This is the third film from that set and very frustrating. It features my least favorite kind of film character- the cackling, taunting, laughing, never-shut-upping insane murderous psycho, in this film there's a couple of them with the big dude in clown makeup being especially annoying. They come off as a angel dusted amalgam of Beetlejuice and Chop Top. I hate TCM 2 and Chop Top is the main reason. I also sold an LP of the movie's soundtrack to the actor on eBay. The cackling antagonists here aren't the only problem, the film is completely disjointed and plotless and I understand it's supposed to be a nightmare but even at just under 70 minutes it gets old quickly.

The film does have some positives, I kind of liked the music which alternated between the same pounding Enochian Key tune during the intense attack scenes and what I'm pretty sure was Mars, Bringer of War from Holst's Planet's suite. I liked the music but it could have used more than two alternating songs. The gore is pretty awesome at times here like most of Sheets' films including a pole stuck up a bum and coming out the mouth. The movie takes place in a real haunted house (they fortunately weren't called haunts or the equally annoying haunted attraction back when this was made) which adds to the fun and nightmarish atmosphere. The acting is of course atrocious and there's a predictable and lame ending twist. Todd Sheets has done much better.