Road to Revenge

This is probably the absolute WORST THING EVER PUT TO FILM! And it's not just BAD BAD...it's God AWFUL HORRIBLE! If you REALLY WANT to lose precious time out of your life,then go ahead and give it a watch. Personally,I would rather slowly drip battery acid into my eyes for 90 minutes...at LEAST I would have felt SOMETHING for an hour and a half! I don't think I have ever seen WORSE ACTING from a lead actor...EVER! And if you want to hear said actor SING...ramming an ice pick into your ears would be more pleasant. Seriously folks...I don't even recommend this dumpster fire of a "movie" to be watched as a "fun time"...you pretty much feel embarrassed for EVERYONE in the "movie" for the entire run time. And if you even can watch it for FREE...I HIGHLY ADVISE you not to. It's THAT BAD.

Toodles.

It's hard to rate this because some of it is jaw-droopingly awesome (in a terrible way) but the rest is horrendously boring and serves no purpose other than to stoke De Hart's ego. Did we really need so many sex scenes? I'm sure John De Hart says so. With a little more editing and a couple more action scenes, this could have been Miami Connection good, instead it's just blah.

Ok...so...there is "bad, just bad", and THEN there is "so bad, it's great!".

And then? There is "Champagne And Bullets".

So much has already been-said regarding this "thing" (under ANY of its titles. "Geteven" or "Road To Revenge" or "C and B" as it stands here. My guess? DeHart will wait ANOTHER 10 years, and re-release/re-cut the re-cut of a re-cut...again (forgetting that age-progression occurs in humans) and maybe call the 4th incarnation: "How I Made Out With a Playboy Centerfold, GotAway With It, on My Road To Revenge, With Wings Hauser and a Wooden Indian".

The film is a NEIL BREEN-style masterwork.

So inept (I mean..."The Shimmy Slide" MUST be on everyone's Playlist in your car. Pamela Bryant collecting a check that HAD to be more than Hugh Hefner offered. And Wings. Oh, Wings Hauser! Who turns in the performance of a LIFETIME. Like the crazy drunk sister you have (or I have) that you DON'T want to invite over for Thanksgiving Dinner...but kinda-gotta. Just for the ability to laugh at the idiocy on display.

No. I won't waste your time with "plot" (who truly cares?) as there really isn't one.

No. I won't waste your time with "auteur-editing" in its infancy. (There isn't any).

No. I won't explain the "great soundtrack". (Because this tripe makes ANYTHING done by Neil Young...even at his worst (which is hard for him to be)...sound like Whitney Houston).

THIS FILM? Simply is one you HAVE to see to believe.

To believe in 2 things: HOW IN THE WORLD did John DeHart get both Pamela Bryant and Wings Hauser to be in it? AND with William Smith (another great character actor) to show up (incoherently, I might add) as well.

To simply GET(EVEN) this "thing" made? Is a testament to itself. And something (especially for "bad movie lovers") to behold and give mad props to.

Irwin Allen made BAAAAAAD movies (See: "The Swarm" or "When Time Ran Out...") Yet Irwin always had a massive budget and could rake in the stars with a phone call.

Neil Breen makes (still does) BAAAAAD movies. He does it on NO budget (which is readily-evident) and can't even hire a "known stripper from Las Vegas Blvd" to appear in his mush.

Coleman Francis made BAAAAAAD movies. (But his were MST3K fodder).

Yet JOHN DeHART...The Man, the Myth, The Legend, himself...made such a ridiculous spectacle here that it simply MUST BE SEEN, to be believed.

I give it...TEN STARS **********

This is an awesome piece of cinema I found this morning and wow I'm impressed! Written directed starring the same dude and he did an amazing soundtrack that should have won a Grammy!! William smith is well William smith in this and wings houser is so loaded throughout the movie he can't even string together a coherent sentence the action is intense the dialogue heart felt . So everyone should experience this masterpiece and make dehart release the soundtrack as it's one of the best musical performances of all time. Do yourself a favor and get everyone you know to watch this masterpiece and chicks love it.

There's a whole category of mostly subterranean movies in which some schmoe who's had delusions of grandeur his whole life spent his savings to bankroll a vanity project starring (and often writtten/directed/produced by) himself. The most famous example is of course Tommy Wiseau's "The Room," which actually managed to become a cult phenomenon. A few others have gained a little notoriety among seekers of camp gold, and there's a sort of subgenre in which some guy apparently thought "I must be the next Bruce Lee!" because he's the star of his local karate studio, never realizing that "block of wood" isn't just something to hand-chop, but the way his acting would be described. But most such films languish in obscurity, because they were perceived as too amateurish for release initially, then were entirely forgotten.

This is one of those movies, although I gather some people have actually heard of it. (I hadn't, until now.) It's an excruciatingly dumb, basic hero-vs.-criminal-bad-guys opus, with "You killed the only woman I ever loved" as plot motivation, though it takes quite a while to get to that point. There are scattered professional aspects-the photography is mostly acceptable on a direct-to-video B-flick level-but the script is atrocious and there's a lot of just idiotic filler, particularly in the realm of women with implants going topless for no discernible reason, and Wings Hauser improvising painfully as some kind of Method Nightmare comedic sidekick. But the main issue is writer-director-star-producer John De Hart, whose only screen credit this is-and no wonder. He's 50-ish gent of average looks, in decent shape for his age, but who has all the charisma of a paperweight. He is not an actor, has little apparent personality, and despite all selling of his character as one tough ex-cop hombre, does not demonstrate any particular martial-arts or other physical skills. (We see him use a punching bag several times, which is pretty underwhelming.) Worse by far, he seems to think he can sing-and he sings several vaguely "country" songs he wrote, including a "Shimmy Slide" that occasions the lamest imaginable line-dance accompaniment. Anyway, his singing must be heard...if you can stand it. It's beyond belief. Incredible that someone could be that bad (is he sharp? is he flat? is he even hitting what one would call "notes"?) and have no idea.

Anyway, "GetEven" aka "Road to Revenge" is a little too inept to be consistently hilarious; sometimes it just lays there. But it does have some camp value. William Smith manages to be simultaneously hammy and bored as the chief villain, with his leering thugs including a ringer for Fabio; the women, clearly cast for assets other than "acting ability," are uniformly dreadful; oh, and there are baby-sacrificing Satanists. This is the kind of movie so arbitrary that the latter element, which would tend to take center stage in most stories where it's included, instead plays here as sort of narrative afterthought.

A fun bad movie, but not a great bad movie, or one I'd watch again-hence the 5.