Berserker

One of the neat things about horror is that the genre invites the most wild of ideas, and nothing is too outrageous to make into a movie. "Viking berserker slasher" sounds like something that The Asylum surely must have cooked up in the past few years - but nay! This comes to us from the 1980s! And we should be glad that it does, because otherwise we wouldn't be treated to the soundtrack of very 80s music, nor the very 80s hair styles, and we wouldn't be assured of the presence of George Buck Flower in the cast. The 80s were unquestionably the hey-day of the slasher, with loving use of fog machines, and production values that are instantly recognizable in retrospect. Just as much to the point, where more recent slashers come across as seeking violence and brutality for their own sake, in the 80s the genre largely bore atmosphere that allowed titles to be violent, creepy, silly, and fun all at once. Happily, 'Berserker' carries all these qualities and more, down to the ambient score.

Of course, none of this speaks directly to the overall value of this feature - and that's the bad news, for in some crucial ways this is rather lacking. True, anyone familiar even in passing with slashers knows generally what they're in for. Yet I would note that in this case we see less of the killer than we do in some other fare, and mostly it's just a lot of the characters meandering through the woods. The violence notably falls on the less robust and visceral side of the spectrum as we see it, and for those tracking the body count, it's distinctly lower. Whatever your particular fix is when it comes to horror, you may not get your kicks here, and if you do, they'll be lesser. Worse: the biggest failing is indisputably that the picture doesn't remotely meet the promise of the premise. In other ways this is well done, including the blood and gore (albeit modest by most any point of comparison), and the cast give able performances commensurate with the material. The filming locations are gorgeous, and the production design is swell. But we can get these things anywhere. We can't get a Viking berserker killer Just Anywhere. And, well, as it turns out, we can't really get it here, either.

I think I got my hopes up too high with this one. I like Flower, and I remember Beth Toussaint very well from that one episode of 'Star Trek: The next generation.' The concept sounds great, and once we start watching, 'Berserker' definitely has all the right vibes of 80s slashers. What it doesn't have, unfortunately, is meaningful fulfillment of its concept. In turn, not only is the end result pretty weak as a slasher, but it falters even more disastrously in not making use of those ideas that from the outside looking in are what drew us in, and which could have been employed in imaginative and delightful ways. There are a lot worse ways to spend one's time, but the simple fact of the matter is that there's not much reason to spend time with this, either. It's best suggested for those who are fans of the cast, but otherwise, 'Berserker' is a lackluster horror flick you can safely pass on by.

The berserkers, we learn, were a special breed of cannibalistic Viking warriors that used to wear bear masks and skins and attack their enemies with a primal rage. The premise of six kids being hunted by one such "creature" in the middle of the woods on a dark night may sound scary, but this film is too much like so many others to make it so. It does feature the requisite amounts of blood and sex, and also more-than-requisite amounts of wandering around, while the persistently ominous score keeps on playing and playing. (*1/2)

Berserker starts off looking like it will be a fairly decent backwoods slasher but it soon becomes apparent that it's another bore-fest. It's a shame because it could have been so much better, and backwoods slashers like this just aren't made any more. The only good points are that there is a nice creepy atmosphere in the woods. The fog that seems to be everywhere seems a bit silly and unrealistic, yet at the same time adds to the atmosphere. The main reason Berserker is so boring is that there is a serious lack of lighting. Whenever someone gets killed, you can't even see it because of the darkness.

Only recommended for slasher completists - everyone else should avoid this bore-fest.

A group of teenagers (who actually look to be 30) head up to a cabin for some fun and sun, but come under attack by an ancient viking beserker.

An awful film with poor acting, direction, and writing, even by slasher movie standards. Sloopy editing doesn't help much either. Features more sex and nudity then usual though, but even that can't make this entertaining. My rating: 3 out of 10.

This late-80s stinker tries to carve out a Nordic-mythology niche in the rapidly-declining slasher genre, but fails to do literally anything else of note.

A group of teenagers, personality-free even by '80s horror standards, goes for a weekend camping trip, but unfortunately, there's a "berserker" about -- a cannibalistic Nordic hunter who wears a bear snout on his face. Not to mention a giant brown bear! And a kindly old man with a bad Swedish accent named Pappy! So much to be scared of! Actually, I'm genuinely confused who is actually killing these teenagers. By the title, it's assumed the Berserker is the one at fault, but there's also endless footage of the bear stalking the teenagers and running away after kill scenes. These scenes are all incompetently filmed and lit and give no clue to the mystery, either.

Not that it really matters: both killers seem incompetent at their job and the flick has a pitifully low body count. Instead, you're treated to overlong chess scenes, horrid rock songs ("HE'S A COOOOOOOL DUDE!"), and endless shots of people walking through the forest. It's 82 minutes long and feels like it should be half that.

For Odin's sake, they even make a fist-fight between a Viking and a brown bear dull to watch! All but the most ardent slasher completists will find BERSERKER damn near unBEARable. Skip it!