- [Ed is examining Gonzo]
- Ed Singer: No nostrils. How do you smell?
- Rizzo the Rat: Awful. Trust me, I'm his roommate.
- Miss Piggy: Gotta run. Bye, Kermie. Kissie, kissie. Ha-ha.
- [exits]
- Statler: Is breakfast over?
- Waldorf: No, why?
- Statler: 'Cause I think the bacon just ran out.
- [they laugh]
- Gonzo: I had that weird dream again.
- Rizzo the Rat: You mean the one with the goat and the dwarf and the jar of peanut butter?
- [Gonzo appears on live TV]
- Clifford: Hey, you better get down there, Kerm.
- Kermit: Relax. No one is going anywhere, okay?
- Gonzo: [on TV] You see, I was contacted through my breakfast cereal, and then it was confirmed to me by the Cosmic Fish that I am definitely from outer space.
- Rizzo: So you want to go now, or wait for the commercial?
- Kermit: Now.
- Gonzo: Hey, Rizzo, come here! I think my Kap'n Alphabet is sending me a message.
- Rizzo the Rat: Yeah, I know what you mean. I had some guacamole last night, and it's still speaking to me.
- Kermit: He's one of us. And no matter what happens, no matter what obstacles we face, we NEVER forget one of our own.
- Miss Piggy: I love it when you take charge.
- Fozzie Bear: Hey! We left Bunsen and Beaker back at the gas station.
- Kermit: Okay... Well, uh, from THIS point on , no matter what happens, we never forget one of our own.
- Dr. Van Neuter: Hello, I'm Dr. Van Neuter. I'll be your brain surgeon today, if you don't mind. Ha! Get it? "Brain surgeon." "Mind." Hahaha!
- Kermit: [after the 'Door in a Jar' forms but the door is too small] Gee, that's disappointing.
- Miss Piggy: Perfect. Somebody knock and see if Barbie's home.
- Dr. Tucker: From this moment on, if I say you're hungry, you eat. If I say you're sleepy...
- Rizzo: I eat?
- Gonzo: [Gonzo wakes up from a bad dream and sits upright, accidentally sending a hammock-sleeping Rizzo flying out the window] I don't wanna be alone!
- Rizzo the Rat: You're not alone.
- Gonzo: Who said that?
- Rizzo the Rat: Gee, I don't know. Maybe it's the rat who's hanging out of the window!
- Gonzo: [as Rizzo is hanging out the window] Rizzo?
- Rizzo the Rat: No, it's Santa. But I forgot my reindeer.
- Rizzo: I don't like the look of those guys. This rat smells a rat.
- Agent Barker: [to Gonzo] The limo is right this way.
- Rizzo: Did he say limo? Wait a second, I'm his translator. Hold up!
- Agent Barker: How about this story? It's about a big, bad wolf and a little pig.
- Miss Piggy: Um, that's three pigs, okay?
- Agent Barker: Not in this version.
- Agent Barker: We feel your pain, Gonzo.
- Gonzo: They feel my pain!
- Rizzo: I've got a paper-cut that's a doozy. You feel my pain, too?
- Miss Piggy: I've got great news! Gonzo has been kidnapped by the government and it could be a life-threatening situation!
- Kermit: How can that be great news?
- Miss Piggy: Because, I've got a story, I've got a story! Oh! I need to change! Something that says journalistic integrity. Oh! Oh! Oh! I've gotta pee.
- Kermit: Oh, brother.
- Dr. Phil Van Neuter: Feeling a little nervous, are we?
- Gonzo: Of *course* I'm nervous.
- Dr. Van Neuter: Well, don't worry. Everyone is before having their brains sucked out.
- Dr. Phil Van Neuter: Remember, if you experience any unpleasantness, please let me know. I would hate to miss it.
- Joey Potter: So what's your deal? You're some sort of alien or something?
- Clifford: Nah, Baby! Me and Gonzo are very tight. In fact, we're gonna be chillin' in our hot tub later on. Perhaps you'd like to partake in the partay?
- Cosmic Fish #1: We are not the same as you.
- Cosmic Fish #2: We are highly evolved beings. Now... uh, what was I saying?
- Miss Piggy: We're going to pause here and we'll be right back with Gonzo, the Geek Who Fell to Earth.
- Miss Piggy: Oh! A real story. Intrigue! Danger! New outfits! And it's mine, mine, mine, all mine, a ha ha ha ha... (to camera) Oh, come on, please, you think Ted Koppel never gets excited?