They Bite

This flick is really obscure to find. It never had a proper release on DVD or Blu Ray, to be honest, even on VHS it's a tough one to possess. Is it worth the search, honestly it isn't because it's an ultra low budget horror and it shows in the effects.

But that I could dig because not all low budgets are that bad. But here there isn't almost no horror. The beginning do offer some creepy moments but the tone is set because before the victim (voluptous blond) got killed she strips before the camera. And that is what it's all about.

The story is all about shooting a porn flick and there are a lot of misunderstandings which should make it a comedy but face it, it's full of gratuitous nudity and the story isn't that strong after all. It's only towards the end that the critters com in but by then it's all too late to save this flick.

Gore 0/5 Nudity 2/5 Effects 1/5 Story 1/5 Comedy 0,5/5

After the first five minutes you're probably thinking this is nothing but cheap smut and violent filth.You're basically right. but if you can handle this kind of movie then you should probably see it(although it is hard to find).Also anyone who is a fan of the old beach monster movies shown at drive ins in the 50's-60's will probably like this seeing as how it pays homage to movies of that sub genre like 'The Horror of Party Beach'.This is not a movie to take seriously, you should just have fun with it.

If you're of the opinion that Roger Corman's Humanoids From The Deep didn't have enough tits in it, then Brett Piper's They Bite is the film for you. Piper's film was clearly made on a fraction of the budget of the Corman movie, but attempts to make up for its cheapness by delivering as many bare breasts as possible.

Like Humanoids, They Bite sees mutant fish monsters emerging from the sea to attack people (mostly women with big tits); ichthyologist/tabloid reporter Melody Duncan (Donna Frotscher) teams up with porno director Mel Duncan (Nick Baldasare) and his team to try and get to the bottom of things.

Melding B-movie monster nonsense with sci-fi, They Bite is not quite as unwatchable as I had imagined: there's the aforementioned boobs to keep one amused, but the characters are also fun, the pace is decent, and the fish-mutant action is entertaining for those who don't mind cheap men-in-rubber-suit monsters (although I wish Piper had spent some of what little money he had on gore).

5.5/10, rounded down to 5 for the presence of dodgy podgy imprisoned pornstar Ron Jeremy, who plays one of the adult film crew.

This movie is obviously somewhat derivative of the 80's Roger Corman classic "Humanoids from the Deep". But then that movie back in its day was excoriated for being a derivative, sexed-up version of "Creature from the Black Lagoon". I kind of liked this just because it was a fun movie with a genuinely independent feel to it, not just another cynical effort to make an intentional "cult" movie (the 90's were lousy with such efforts by hacks like Jim Wynorski and David DeCouteau). The movie also anticipates the kind of 90's reflexive filmmaking represented by "Scream" in that the characters in the movie have themselves watched horror movies. A porn filmmaking crew in the movie become aware of an invasion of humanoid fish monsters (after their mail gets mixed up with that of a female marine biologist) and decide to take advantage of it by making an XXX movie-within-the-movie called "Invasion of the Fish F**kers". This movie kinda reminds of another pre-"Scream" 90's independent film called "There's Nothing Out There", and like that one it remains relegated to out-of-print VHS while any number of much lesser 90's Wynorski/DeCouteau-type crap flicks are available on DVD and Blu-Ray today.

Brett Piper is an interesting filmmaker. He's decidedly "b-movie" with a long string of credits like "Draniac" or "The Screaming Dead", but he seems to have a genuine love of "b-movie" filmmaking rather than a cynical attitude of "let's make a cheap-ass 'cult' film with as little money as possible while laughing all the way to the bank." Obviously, there is a lot of nudity here by 90's softcore actresses, Cristina Veronica and Blake Pickett, and Playboy Playmate Susie Owens (who has an infamous vagina dentata scene, which was completely edited out of the "R-rated" version, but was actually completely irrelevant to the plot anyway, and was only grafted on at the behest of the producers). But this is the rare 90's exploitation movie that might actually be entertaining even WITHOUT the gratuitous female nudity. Interestingly, most recognizable "star" here is no doubt XXX actor Ron Jeremy (before he was regularly being cast in low-budget mainstream films). Thank god he keeps HIS clothes on though--I'd rather watch the girls being assaulted by scaly fish monsters!

If you go into a movie called THEY BITE expecting a life-changing experience, then you've got yourself mopped into a corner for big disappointments. Understanding that this is a juvenile monster movie with no artistic ambitions is step one for a positive viewing experience...this is strictly "brains on pause" entertainment, and as such, it works quite nicely(and, naturally, anything featuring porn legend Ron Jeremy outside his...erm...natural habitat...is always interesting to see).

An uncomplicated aliens-on-Earth-eating-people item which has a good sense of humor about itself, and features some very inventive monsters and a goodly amount of ribald chuckles. Production values and acting are mostly above the equator for this type of fare, and some of the special effects moments demonstrate surprising ingenuity and aptitude.

You could do far worse than this...just work with it instead of against it, and you'll probably have a fun time.

5.5/10.