The Big Pink

A lesser porn video from Joe Sarno, THE BIG PINK follows his "who cares?" formula to a T. Even fans of its attractive leading ladies will be mighty disappointed with this baby.

Aja toplines as Saigon, a Dragon Lady who's involved in human trafficking. I suppose Mira Sorvino will be negotiating to get the remake rights.

Video opens with the usual, but random, transition footage of Stephanie Rage wandering down a Brooklyn alley and sidewalk. Same setup is pointlessly used later in the show, simply to break up the cumulative claustrophobia generated by the cheap interior sets.

Rage is Det. Flannery, a NYC cop partnered with big-dicked Michael Knight (as Det. Phil Walsh). First set is embarrassing -Seymour Love in a non-sex role as Sgt. Riley sitting behind a cabinet posing as the police station desk, with a U.S. flag on the wall behind him hanging crookedly positioned and backwards with the stars at upper right.

Bunny Bleu pops up as Eleanor Griffith, an overworked hooker complaining about Miss Saigon (I couldn't resist punching up the billing).

Our stalwart detectives launch into action to catch Saigon, who's hatching diabolical plots with her henchman Omar (David Morris).

Saigon has "goddess of passion darts" with which she can make a victim horny and under her power. The use of an aphrodisiac is Sarno's favorite plot gimmick for these '80s video exercises.

Aja accidentally sits on a dart and gets horny, with Morris there to service her. Cue the same crummy library rock score used in all of these Sarno videos, and Aja performs an impressive deep throat maneuver, among many other positions, on Morris.

We must suffer through quite a bit of dull, double-entendre banter between Rage & Knight until Aja magically shoots one of her darts into Knight's pecker at long range. Fortunately Bunny is around to service him, looking good in her pre-breast-enhancement phase.

Aja next shoots two magic darts long-distance, hitting Rage front and back, just in time for Rick Savage to walk into her office and have sex. Video is so slapdash Rick doesn't even get a character name. The cheap office set also has a handy bed it in -I guess the cop equivalent of "going to the mats".

Aja plans to recapture Bunny and send her to Morocco as a sex slave. Knight & Bunny arrive at Aja's lair, followed comically by a nude Rage pointing a gun and masturbating (she's still dart-horny), so Aja arranges an instant orgy. She has lesbian sex with Rage on a bed, while Knight & Bleu have at it on a couch. Half-way through this lengthy scene, Aja announces "Let me show you how it's done", and they switch, Aja deep throating Knight on the bed while Rage and Bleu make do with the couch.

Typical of a hasty production schedule, Knight supposedly delivers two money shots in succession, but the slipshod camera-work doesn't make this visible on screen (perhaps on purpose). There's no such thing as "retakes" in these video quickies.

Ending is preposterously dumb: Aja shots herself accidentally with a dart, and Rage shoots her partner Knight in the cock again to get him motivated. Rage stumbles over her final dialog summation (left in the print), telling of how she deported Saigon to North Africa instead of arresting her.

Sharing much of the same cast as an even worse Sarno effort COMING ON America, THE BIG PINK has been resurrected under the (misnomer) Historic Erotica banner for DVD use by Global Media Intl., a very low-quality purveyor. Perhaps to protect the guilty, it has no credits on screen.

Familiar motifs abound: mild fetishism of Aja always wearing elbow-length gloves, with no hands, throughout; Knight keeping his shades on always, but we know it's you, brother!; Bleu's appealing fishnet stockings; Rage in attractive hose and white high heels while having sex, contrasting with Aja's black stockings & high heels.