Escape from DS-3

Anyone remember "Blake's 7" on the BBC? Well this reminded me rather a lot of that - only without any decent characters or actors. It's all about "Lavette" (Jackson Bostwick) who has been sent to a prison in space that is essentially just a collection of automated cells that allows virtually no chance of escape. However, as they say, there is nothing the wit of man can devise that the wit of man cannot un-devise, and pretty soon he is working with his fellow inmates create a plan to seize the station from their rather complacent guards and hijack a shuttle so they can flee to outer space. The story is not bad, indeed with some decent talent in front of and behind the camera, it could have made for a passable little sci-fi adventure. As it is, though, it's all pretty woeful with wobbly sets and an equally wobbly plot. It needed two directors - perhaps one did Monday, Wednesday and Friday? Nothing worth watching here, I'm afraid.

Ugh. The worst movie I have ever seen. And that's saying a lot. I am easily amused and will gladly sit thru cruddy movies even for camp value alone. But this film had no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Not even "so bad, its good" but rather just plain bad. If you have chronic incoming, don't pop a pill, just pop this bad boy into your VCR (I cannot believe that this will ever be on DVD) and let 'er rip. Snoozeville within 10 minutes.

Slow. Bad characters. Bad effects. Nothing much happens the entire time. Not even a MST-3000 treatment render this worth watching. And don't get me started on how the movie managed to render Bubba Smith, one of the silver screen's finest thespians, into a one-dimensional zero of a character. (Just joking on that last comment....)

Diabolically bad in every way and it is not in the category of being " so bad it's good", it's just plain bad with zero entertainment value. This effort makes "Warpspeed" look like an Oscar contender.

If the DS3 in question had been a Citroen DS3 car that they were stuck in it may have had more entertainment value than being stuck in a bad miniature model with badly made sets.

Terrible "music", script, acting sets, and cardboard tube weapons. The obviously fake, cheap and nasty, security cameras were supported by pressed steel shelf supports attached by a screw going into the bottom of the cameras which would have damaged a real camera.

Not worth watching for any reason other that curiosity to see how badly made a film can actually be.

ANOTHER sci-fi film from the Robert Emenegger/Allan Sandler team, once again produced by Anne Spielberg. Boy, these guys really churned them out, didn't they? ESCAPE FROM DS-3 is one of their lesser works that plays a lot like LABORATORY except without the quirky charm. There are no aliens in this one, for a start.

The tale takes place on a prison ship where a number of prisoners are plotting their escape. That's all there is to it. For 90% of the running time the viewer is merely forced to sit and watch the guys go about their daily routines, following them as they take exercise and go through their ablutions. It hardly makes for gripping viewing, and as soon as it starts gathering momentum, it finishes.

While I admire the enthusiasm and dedication of Emenegger and Sandler for making their sci-fi oddities on a budget clearly unable to cope with the demands of the script, ESCAPE FROM DS-3 is nobody's idea of entertainment. They couldn't afford Cameron Mitchell this one, or even his daughter Camille, so instead we Channing Mitchell, his son (and the least talented of the acting family). Novelty value comes from seeing a pre-POLICE ACADEMY Bubba Smith in support.

Steven Spielberg's sister, Anne, directs this sorry little sci-fi flick, which will never get the full MST3K treatment it deserves. What we have here is a cheaply-made "prison escape" movie that just happens to be set in space. The grim, hollow-faced hero (b-movie veteran Jackson "I'm Not Barry" Bostwick) is convicted of a Crime He Did Not Commit (there's something new), and is sent to a fairly deluxe prison satellite called DS-3. Unlike most movie prisons, DS-3 offers free drugs, a clean and comfortable living environment, well-behaved inmates, and even female sex-droids (!) for conjugal visits, but as the movie's title demands, Jackson spends the entire movie planning his "Escape." Personally, DS-3 doesn't seem so bad to me, except for one mean guard who looks like Harvey Pekar and enjoys zapping the inmates with this remote-control-type device that can cause pain in any part of the body. (Neat!) Oh, and the prison uniforms look like yellow pajamas, plus the sex droids (called "pen pals") wear ridiculous clown makeup for no good reason. Other than that, DS-3 seems like an okay place to live. Jackson shouldn't be such a complainer. All he does is whine and moan from the moment he gets there. No wonder the guards don't like him.

Although the satellite (which looks exactly like a floating microphone) supposedly has hundreds of prisoners, we only see four of them during the movie, including Mr. Bostwick and the lovable Bubba Smith, not far away from the "Police Academy" movies. Boy, do we see a LOT of these four guys -- sitting four-across at the dinner table, tossing around a medicine ball in the exercise room, and constantly planning the "Escape" while being conspicuously inconspicuous. Fortunately, the DS-3 staff is quite slow to catch on to the plot. The staff would *have* to be pretty dumb, or they'd realize that _working_ at DS-3 is actually worse than being imprisoned there.

The "Escape" plan is really complicated, by the way, and 95% of the movie's running time is devoted to scenes of Jackson, Bubba, and the two others working out the minute details. This is even more dull than it sounds. In the end, it mostly comes down to chucking razor-sharp throwing stars at the guards (including the Harvey Pekar guy) and hijacking a conveniently-available ship.

Since the movie takes itself oh-so-seriously but is made oh-so-cheaply, it's an excellent source of unintentional laughs. All in all, a good rental.