Country Hooker

I must admit, as far as breezy, dopey, and sometimes violent softcore drive-in flicks go, Country Hooker at least held my attention... 'til the ending drops you off a cliff!

If you're going in blind, and wondering where this one's going, look no further than the extended close-ups of actor's faces... and this is where the movie really drags... and the looks on their faces while they're having fake sex. It ain't 70's porn, but does feature 70's porn stars. In particular, Sue (Rene Bond) is super-foxy here (well, minus her 1974 boob job). Let me clarify, they looked nice in her red leather getup, worn twice in the movie. Naked, no.

She's one of the "country hookers." Sue and her prostitute pal Jan (Sandy Dempsey) pose as hitchhikers to "trick" two country musicians on the way to their gig. Enter Mike, their pimp, and country-western dive bar owner, to recruit the two rubes to play in his band. Alright, the real appeal of this film (when you're done gawking at Bond), is the rather extensive assortment of lip-synced country tunes. It is an absolute freaking RIOT. Particularly when Mike takes the mic! If you're into unintentional laughs, the music element is a goldmine.

Things turn sour when everyone's wise to Mike's schemes, the ladies fall for Dave and "Billy B" (played by presumed-fan of Led Zeppelin and/or naval officers, John Paul Jones), and they want out of the hooking biz. Overall, there are certainly laughs to be found, some eye candy, some skin, occasional decent acting, and, well, lots of lingering shots of people's faces faking it. As far as these types of movies go, I'm giving it a solid 7.

Rene Bond was the U.S.'s first legit porn star and the first to get breast implants! This is one of her first films. This film isn't hardcore porn so if that is what you want, skip this film.

The movie starts off innocently enough with two country music singers rolling into L.A. on fumes and their "last ten bucks," when they pick up two beautiful hitchhikers. The foursome quickly sneak off into the desert for a bit of afternoon delight (you know, one of those "it could happen" porn plots). It turns out there is more to these hitchhikers than meets the eyes and a well paced and interesting story actually follows.

There are great moments in this film, from the lame country songs to the turtle-neck wearing guy who lip-synchs them, to Rene Bond's breasts, you can' help but laugh at and enjoy this film. Don't look for any Oscar nods but Bond actually shows some chops as an actress. So if you don't mind nudity and bad country music, get this film!

Country Hooker (1974)

** (out of 4)

Sue (Rene Bond) and Jan (Sandy Dempsey) are picked up in the desert by Dave (Ric Lutze) and Billy. The four have some good times having sex before they realize that they're all supposed to be at the same bar later that night. That bar, ran by Mike (Louis Ojena), just happens to be a place were rednecks can listen to country music while at the same time picking up hookers.

COUNTRY HOOKER comes from Executive Producer Harry Novak and the main reason to watch it would be for Bond. I'm sorry but I really love her as an exploitation actress and I think her cuteness and charm can make any movie much more entertaining. This one here came after Novak had paid for her breast implants and you can tell that Lutze seems to be happy with the work as he can't take his hands off of them but can you blame him?

As far as the film goes, even at just 72-minutes the thing really drags at spots since you've got about twenty-minutes worth of a plot and a bunch of other things that just drag on as it tries to get its running time higher. The story is pretty stupid all around and it bounces around so much that you can't really pay too much attention to it. With that said, most people come to these films for nudity and this one here offers up quite a bit. Both Bond and Dempsey are beautiful so watching them is no problem.

While on their way to play at a bar two musicians named "Dave Anderson" (Ric Lutze) and "Billy B" (John Paul Jones) stop and pick up two female hitchhikers by the names of "Jan" (Sandy Dempsey) and "Sue" (Rene Bond). After explaining that their car broke down in the middle of nowhere both Dave and Billy B decide to drive their bus there to see if they can fix it. When they get there the four of them decide to have sex and while they are busy a man appears from out of nowhere and steals the distributor cap. Naturally, since they are stranded with no transportation the two musicians arrive late at the bar and find that another band has replaced them. Desperate for money they agree to join the other band which is led by a man named "Mike" (Louis Ojena). But what neither Dave nor Billy B realize is that there is more to Mike than meets the eye. Now rather than reveal any more of this movie and risk spoiling it for those who haven't seen it I will just say that this was a fairly cheap and raunchy soft-core picture which had any number of flaws. The sex scenes were too long and lacked passion, the ending was awful and the music was even worse. As a matter of fact, about the only positive thing about this film was the presence of Rene Bond and to a lesser extent Maria Arnold (as "Honey"). But that's about it. As a result I have rated the movie accordingly.