Fandango

Really, an X rating??? This movie doesn't even rise to a hard R rating, more like a soft, very soft (pun intended) R rating.

It takes something like 30 minutes before we see the first naked breast. Then the nudity is always few and far between. It's almost always quick topless shots or bare fat bottoms. There are a few fleeting, as in VERY fleeting, views of pubic hair. Those views are usually from a LONG ways away!

As a western, it's lame, weak, terrible! As a skin flick it's lame, weak, terrible! It's hard to imagine exactly what the film makers were trying to achieve. Possibly the contrast between the ruff, tuff, hard cowboys in the juxtaposition of the soft skin and beauty of the women?

The title "Fandango" seems jinxed; not only did the early showcase in Kevin Costner's career flop resoundingly at the box office, but this softcore porn Western has vanished with barely a trace.

It used to be available on DVD-R from Something Weird, but that's over now that the Harry Novak movies have been withdrawn. Glad I bought a copy while I could.

Brooklyn-born James Whitworth stars as mine owner Dan Murphy, sporting an incongruous heavy Brooklyn accent in the Old West. Very measly plot line has him promising his horny mine workers a delivery of a wagon load (or two) of whores from town so they can get there bell ropes pulled (Spot Quiz: name the movie I stole that line from; Hint: I attribute it to Warren Oates).

Madam of the local whorehouse is an old pal of Dan's, Mona De Lys, played by ultra-busty Shawn Devereaux. I thought her natural looking bazooms were worth the price of admission here, lovingly photographed by cinematographer Paul Hipp, who also was a producer and to save a buck, featured in the cast too. Devereaux obviously never made it, but had the privilege of later acting in a Russ Meyer film, after slumming in an uncharacteristically sex-oriented Bert I. Gordon opus.

Picture suffers from its cheap sets, since OK outdoor footage (action scenes and shootouts) make it seem like a real movie at times. But once we get inside, the cheapo set dressing/decoration does not suggest the intended period atmosphere.

Filmmaker John Hayes had a familiar Clover Films label that released many an exploitation (recommended: ALL THE LOVIN' KINFOLK) or just oddball movie (to avoid: DREAM NO EVIL). He doesn't seem engaged with this Western entry, which needed a far more interesting script to hold the audience. Reduced to its bare essentials (pun intended), film parses as merely a few boring sequences: (1) Introduction of dull crew of miners; (2) Trip to town to sample and pick up the whores; (3) Whores servicing the guys in camp (4) Fight with bad guys, led by nose-less Muck Mulligan (porn vet Sebastian Gregory) en route back to town; (5) Epilog that would make SHANE blush.

Not exactly an epic on the level of HOW THE WEST WAS WON. No, Hayes and company shot low and hit their target - some topless footage of busty gals parading around as if a Western. Considering it was of 1970 vintage, absence of full-frontal nudity, beaver closeups, etc., marks FANDANGO as a non-starter.