The Velocity of Gary

I previewed this movie a while back and I think one reason why I really wanted to see this is because I saw it in the video store and thought I might want to see it. I previewed it and I just wasn't amused at all by this film! I thought maybe because Salma Hayek was in it, it would be somewhat decent but I was brutally wrong. Vincent D'Onofrio and Thomas Jane couldn't even handle this movie on their own. The only amusing character in the whole film was the Patsy Cline drag queen and he was deaf and hardly had any lines. Thomas Jane's character looked like he didn't give a rat's ass about anybody except Valentino (D'Onofrio's character). I think the movie is a waste of a lot of people's time when they could clearly be hitting the town but instead being put to sleep!

"THE VELOCITY OF GARY" starts out promising and quite cinematic with hunky Thomas Jane as daylight cowboy Gary (not his real name) showering in one of New York's open hydrants. Montage of Gary (n.h.r.n) in every cinematographer's NY tribute from Bowery to Brooklyn, which makes Gary (nhrn) one busy cruiser.

Next up, Gary (nhrn) reluctantly comes to the aid of a young drag queen whose straight off the bus from one of the square states (swinging her suitcase and grinning as if she's just landed in the Greenwich Village of the musical "Wonderful Town" not the real-life scaresville of today) and is promptly set upon by gay bashers. Suffice it to say, the kid learns that interesting people do indeed live on Christopher Street.

Unfortunately, this collection of downtown losers is of far more interest to themselves than us. Under-developed and preening constantly, they speak in bad poetic jargon (the film's stage roots showing terribly) and manage to grate on our nerves in a New York minute. Selma Hayek (real name) and Jane (real name) are both oddly drawn to super-loser bisexual idiot played by Vincent D'Onofrio (who should change his name after helping produce this mess). All need a haircut in the worst way, making their adventure look like a 60's flashback when it's anything but. Everything goes downhill after the first flash forward and never recovers.

"The Velocity of Gary" is lacks both velocity and veracity. You're better off not having known their real names.

This is without a doubt the worst, I say worst, movie I have ever seen. What a waste of talent, what a lack of plot. I cannot say enough bad about it. I invited gay friends to see it and two out of three had fallen asleep before it was into a half an hour. They left and I watched it in agony until the bitter end. I am sure Hayek does not want to be reminded of it. I am gay and wanted to see something gay and interesting. This does not even begin to fit that bill. Don't, I repeat, don't even think of watching it. The illness which Valentino has is never quite explained. One would think it was AIDS but it looked more like TB. The changing of scenes is terribly confusing. The main character is so out of his element with D'Onofrio and Hayek.

I found the movie to be great at times and despite a couple of awkward scenes, enjoyed it very much. The actors are all terrific, especially Thomas Jane. I also enjoyed the drag queen lip-synching along to Patsy Cline and the Halloween parade scenes. I have thought about this movie fondly ever since seeing it - its not like any other movie I've seen lately so I appreciate it for that, too.

I found this movie to be utterly unsatisfying because of its excursions away from the story, (which was unfocused to begin with) and the poor editing job. Some of the acting was passable, but I did not believe any of the characters were "real", with the exception of the black drag queens. This was a script that could have gone somewhere and instead lay on the floor like the egg the movie turned out to be.