Beowulf

When i rented this movie a couple of nights ago i expected to see just what i saw so i can´t blame anyone but myself. This movie is pretty weird really. It´s a sort of neo-fantasy movie with knights living in a castle with steam-engines, body-bags with zippers and rotating chainsaw-weapons. A strange mix to say the least. But i could have lived with that.

The problem with this movie is not with the scenery which is pretty ok, it´s not with the special effects which are ok. It´s rather with the total lack of a plot, the lack of good action coreography and last but definetly not least the lack of good acting! The actors in this movie where horrible... Of course Christopher Lambert was his usual non-inspired boring self, but all the other actors were also stiff and boring. The monster was actually the most interesting character... The monster was at least pretty good with a nice look. But that couldn´t save this movie in any way. Also a note at the music which wasn´t all bad, it just shouldn´t have been in this movie. In a fantasy movie i don´t want to hear a pumping techno-track, not even in a neo-fantasy movie!

All things considered i think this was a cheap, not very exciting and very forgettable movie. It may thrill a lot of 12-year olds, but for the rest of the people i recommend something with a bit more style, plot and acting. I rate this a 3/10 for trying.

There are three main films concerning the myth of Beowulf. The best, a wickedly good Robert Zemeckis motion capture version starring Ray Winstone, a lower budget one with Gerard Butler that hovers right around the average mark, and a third one starring Christopher 'Highlander' Lambert, and let me tell you this one defies any classification. It's set in a time that seems like a blend between both past and future, a sword and sorcery realm that's speckled with steam punk technology and very weird production design that looks post modern, yet not. Beowulf, played by the reliably daffy Lambert (an actor of little talent who has grown on me over the years by his craggy presence alone), is a lone warrior with a bleach blond hair dye job and some neato gadgetry in his weapon arsenal. I know, it sounds like I'm making this up. Haven't even gotten to the best part yet, which is the upbeat German techno score that ramps up the Euro feel of the whole thing to soaring heights of absurdity. Despite all that silliness, the film somehow works, and not just as a schlocky write off either. It's resolve lies dutifully in the firmament of its creative aesthetic, and doesn't skip a single odd duck of a beat the whole way. The monster Grendel which Beowulf must face off against resembles something of a cross between the Predator and Killer Croc, a scaly, spiky behemoth that rips through the little villages in the region like a tornado of teeth and claws. It's mother is even weirder: appearing to men in the form of actress Layla Roberts, (who looks suspiciously like a porn star) before morphing into a massive elaborate demon thingy that looks like a final boss from Starfox. Lambert is joined in his fight by sexy warrior Kyra (Rhona Mitra), and led on by King Hrothgar (Oliver Cotton). It's Beowulf like you've never seen before, a Krull esque, beyond the Stars sci-fi rendition that you'll either be in tune with or won't, either love, hate or just be super confused by. It's bonkers, and I love it.

I've heard many things about Beowulf, maybe because i'm from Romania and a good part of the movie was filmed here, in my country. And i expected a lot from this film. At the end, i was disappointed. It is not as horrible as other users said, but it's definetely bad. It's all about a monster killing people in a 6th century castle and Lambert the one who comes to kill him. Lambert is good, as he is in all his roles, but the rest of the characters suck, and the action isn't too good either. Plus maybe the only thing that could've saved this film, the special effects, are also very bad, the monster looks awful (not scary, but awful). Oh and another bad thing: the music. The movie tries, and manages to create the 6th century atmosphere. But all the action sequences are presented on rock music, which is very very bad. I mean action on rock works perfectly on a movie like Charlie's Angels - where that's the perfect way to shoot your action. But here, that was a very bad idea.

Vote: 4 out of 10.

...the worst version of Beowulf. But the basic feeling is continuous surprising because each scene discovers new aspect of a real bad film. From performances and story, vulgarity and kitsch to the awfull techno music. And, except the crumbs of Highlander and the gymnastic moments of Christopher Lambert, the film gives nothing more. But, unfortunatelly, it real tries.

The future of fantasy never looked so dark! Christopher Lambert gets to fight the evil demon Grendel in this grim looking trashy fantasy-epos. "Epos" I said? Er... there's only one location, so you can't really call it an epic adventure, can you? The location is a medieval/futuristic 5 inch tall castle, so how did they manage to cram in all the actors? Oh, I get it, those where special effects. A miniature. Silly me.

Here's some reasons why you might want or NOT want to watch this motion picture:

• Lambert gets to do his sword-swinging tricks over again like he did in Highlander.

• The sets and costumes are amazingly cool (if you're a 12-year-old).

• Rhona Mitra has a voluptuous pair of knockers which she likes to show off through-out the whole movie.

• ...er, Christopher Lambert has white hair...

• Every time they start fighting, this over-the-top raving techno-soundtrack gets going. So why are these medieval slayer-dudes fighting while they should be dancing.

• They don't have electricity in this castle but they do have speakers installed which seem to work fine. So where's the amplifier? I guess they borrowed it from the techno-dj who delivered the soundtrack.

• Watch it for the climax in the end which features an outrageous demonoïd CGI creature coming straight out of any Playstation 2 survival-horror game.

If all this got you interested, then go watch it (at your own risk), but don't tell anyone I told you to. I strongly suspect Pinhead visiting the set while shooting, because this movie has no soul. Anyway, if you want to see beautiful Rohna Mitra really show some skin, then watch Paul Verhoeven's HOLLOW MAN.