Steel

Steel is an awesome movie, a cinematic masterpiece. I have not had as good a time in the theater since I saw Steel. Steel's action is big, but the laughs are even bigger. It is one of the funnier movies I can think of. Shaquille is perfect as the super hero Steel. Every time he is in that ridiculous suit, with his goofy smile, I just have to burst out laughing. The plot is good too, and the action sequences are well choreographed. But the most important part of this movie is the many, many laughs. Richard Roundtree has some great jokes ("I especially like the shaft"). Annabeth Gish is hilarious as Sparky, especially at the end with her wheelchair that rises so she can stand ("You havent seen the best part"). Some guy gets killed because of a discrepency over the meat type in his hot dog. A pin is pulled from a grenade and 27 seconds later it blows up, after Shaq jokes about not being able to make free throws. Why the bad rap on Steel? I have no idea, maybe the angry comic book fans have no sense of humor. This film deserves a lot more credit, and Shaquille O'Neal needs to be back for a Steel 2.

O'Neal is John Henry Irons, a military weapons specialist who's just been discharged and returns home to enjoy civilian life with his close-knit family until one of his corrupt ex-compatriots (Nelson) uses his military training to deal high-tech weaponry on the streets. In order to thwart him and stop the criminal underworld from acquiring a sophisticated arsenal, Irons becomes an unlikely hero. Believe it or not, this actually had the potential to be successful, but it's done in by dumb dialogue, unconvincing special effects, and an abundance of silly Shaq in-jokes. Might've been a better idea to actually develop the story, rather than spotlighting stupid basketball references. *½

This is a B-movie classic. The special effects are awful and the acting is worse, but at least it's not boring. As a cinematic experience, it's below par, but as entertainment it's top notch. It's basically like a B-movie, unintentionally hysterical version of Superman (which makes sense, since apparently Steel is based on a DC comic series which was an offshoot of the Superman Funeral for a friend storyline) , except Steel's only discernible superpowers are: being tall, having a metal suit that makes him walk slowly, and uttering unfunny catch phrases that are so bad you have to bust out laughing. This movie is probably the funniest thing I've seen all year. Of course, it's not intended to be funny most of the time when it is.

Watching Shaq "act" is the highlight of the film. I fell out of my chair laughing every time he said something. Shaq's still a better actor than Hulk Hogan though, not that that's saying much. They should give Shaq more movies. Hulk Hogan made a dozen or more, and they were all awful, why not Shaq?

The special effects look like they were made in the 1980s. Bad miniatures and Superman-esque laser effects look pretty silly in this day and age. This adds to the fun factor of the movie though since you'll probably scream "Dear Lord that laser is the same miniature they used in Godzilla in the 60s!".

The plot to the movie isn't horrible, even though it's pretty thin. Basically Steel is a superhero with a secret identity out to save the world from an evil supervillain. Pretty standard superhero fare.

This movie has earned its place in my heart alongside other bad movie classics like "cool as ice" starring vanilla ice. A must-see for bad movie buffs. Some folks who like superhero films might like it too since it's mildly diverting and quick-paced. Those who relish quality cinematic experiences should avoid.

Oh man, I don't believe this. Perhaps with the exception of "Barb Wire", I don't think I have watched anything that comes anywhere near this. When I come to think of it, "Barb Wire" is actually better than this, because I could laugh while watching it. This film is so bad it reaches a certain quality of lousiness only reserved for the very worst of bad ideas. I mean - Shaquille O'Niell in a steel suit with a super weapon made from the contents of a lost-and-found at the scrap yard? Please!

Steel is one of those films where you constantly have to keep telling yourself "this is NOT a TV movie". A cheap, outrageously bad superhero vehicle for the acting... er... talents?... of 7'1 basketball player Shaquille O'Neal.

Commendably, the film does actually have three clear acts, and Steel's emergence, though underplayed, doesn't happen for over forty minutes. In-jokes are a-plenty, as it mentions Batman, Superman, Jerry Maguire ("show me the money!") and three instances of John Irons (O'Neal) having to net basketballs. The final time sees a life-threatening toss of a grenade. A lousy basketball player throughout, Shaq gets to quip "I never make these". Or would you prefer Richard Roundtree as Uncle Joe, who designs Steel's hammer for him? "I did the metalwork," he explains, "I especially like the shaft." Cue lots of double-takes and knowing glances, with Roundtree looking round, hands in the air, proclaiming "what?"

The special effects are reasonable for tv movie land, but, as this is (pinch me, I must be imagining it) a real cinema movie, they're quite cheap. Steel is badly written, contains atrocious dialogue, is poorly acted, shabbily directed and with an overbearing, repetitive musical score. It is, of course, tremendously entertaining.