The Dollar DVD Addict returns, with 1997's LASERHAWK, a movie that was surprisingly decent (when compared to some of the other one-buck wonder DVDs that I've sat through in the past year, anyway)... I will admit, the only reason I picked this one up at the local Wal-Mart (aside from the irresistible price!) was because I saw the name of Mark Hamill, (Luke Skywalker himself!) above the title. I really feel bad for poor Mark, because he's a fine enough actor, yet aside from his celebrated cartoon voice-over work, he's been trapped in direct-to-video sci-fi Hell for going on three decades now!! LASERHAWK is basically a low-rent mish-mash of ideas borrowed from bigger budget movies like "Men In Black," "Independence Day," and "The X-Files," to name just a few. It starts off by telling us that the planet Earth was "seeded" by a race of aliens called "Arachnoids" 250 million years ago as a potential food source, then jumps to present day and introduces a midwestern teenager (the kid from "Free Willy," whatever his name is) who at the beginning of the movie creates a stir with a "UFO hoax" video that he whipped up in his garage, and who then comes into contact with a REAL U.F.O. just a few nights later (what are the odds?). These giant space ships start appearing out of nowhere and kidnapping all the townspeople till none are left but UFO Boy and his sorta-cute-but-by-the-same-token-kinda-annoying Gothic girlfriend, who points out that his "hoax" UFO and the real-life ones all bear a startling resemblance to space ships featured in a comic book drawn by a guy called M.K. Ultra. Off they go to track down Mr. Ultra, who as it turns out based the entire alien-invasion story line on the ravings of a mental patient named "Bob" at the hospital where he used to work before he took up cartooning. Before you can say "so he's NOT crazy after all, is he?" M.K. and the kids race to the hospital to break "Bob" (Hamill, in a mostly thankless but pivotal small role) out of the pokey. Seems that "Bob" is actually a reincarnated alien good-guy from 250 million years back, who's been waiting for the "Arachnoids" to return so he can battle them and save Earth. Oh, and Free Willy Kid and Goth Girl just happen to be reincarnated good-guy aliens too, but their memories of it were repressed till the alien invaders arrived. Got all that? Well, from there our heroes have to sneak onto an Air Force Base (which oddly enough is filled with vehicles marked "U.N." as in "United Nations," not "U.S. Air Force") to recover their spaceship called "Laserhawk" (thus justifying the title), which had been hidden for the last 250 million years until the military stumbled across it. Eventually they get the Laserhawk ship into space and there's a (rather underwhelming) battle royale to destroy the Arachnoid mothership. I could go on but what's the point? If this sounds like your bag it'll cost you a dollar at a Wal-Mart or Just-A-Buck near you to find out how it ends. I'll say that the special effects, though dated now, are better than expected considering this movie's el-cheapo origins, and the decent acting performances and some unintentional humor make up for its many flaws. LASERHAWK turned out to be a dollar well spent. Since this movie is now ten years old, I assume I shouldn't keep my hopes up for a sequel continuing the saga of Free Willy Boy, Goth Girl, and Comic Book Artist Guy, even though the ending seems to be trying to set up Part II.
