Death House

I really wanted to like this movie. It has a nice prison setting, conspiracy theories, bloodthirsty zombies, a perfectly hideous 80s-touch and it is a directorial effort by actor John Saxon, who also plays a bad (you guessed it) a bad guy. It reminds me of some (beloved) Italian horror flicks. But the direction is very wooden and there is no nightmarish/frightening moment in there. It just goes on and on and on, and then it (logically) has to end. More suspense and more daring visuals and its destiny as a cult classic would have been sealed.

Alright, well for a movie from 1987, this was surprisingly lame. I had expected somewhat more in the horror and perhaps even gore category.

Now, the idea of having a zombie viral outbreak in a prison might have seemed good on script paper, but failed to shine through on the screen. Maybe that was because you never really buy into the prison atmosphere in this movie. Everything is just a little bit too cozy, and there are surprisingly few guards for a prison of this size.

Anyway, the movie stands out from many other zombie movies, in an odd way, as the zombies here seem to be alive, but decomposing. They are capable of talking and acting fairly coherently. That sort of killed the mood for me. A zombie is not a dead person just behaving fairly much like when alive, except for having a hunger for flesh. No, a zombie is a shell of the former self, devoid of life and soul (if one believes in that). So I never really bought the zombie scenario presented here.

As for the acting, well... Most of it was tolerable, but nothing astounding to be found here. Except for maybe the woman playing the lady they brought into the prison from the outside. Wow, it was physically painful to watch her performance.

Moving on to the gore and effects. Well, given the movie is quite old by now, the effects are, of course, way out of date. But I am sure that by standards back in 1987, these were believable and scary to watch. Just keep that in mind, because today they are not really all that believable.

The good part of the movie is that the story is fairly straight going, and keeps going at a good pace. It doesn't become overly dull so that you want to get up and leave.

I had expected a tad more from this movie, despite it being old. I would have rated it as 2, but given it is a zombie movie, my heart gets all soft and mushy, so 3 out of 10. This is a movie that you sit down to watch if you are a hardcore zombie fan, like myself. Otherwise, you might be bored out of your mind sitting through this.

Directed by John Saxon "Zombie Death House", with zombie shoddily superimposed to make this 1980's cliché filled flick appear more like "Return of the Living Dead" rather than a episode of "Hunter", focuses too much on exposition of the characters than on what this film was meant to be. A zombie infestation set inside a corrupt prison has all the elements to be a cult classic but this movie takes far too much time establishing the plot and offers little in violent mayhem.

Former Vietnam vet Derek Keillor (the late Dennis Cole) takes a job as a driver for local mob gangster Vic Moretti (the late Anthony Franciosa - did anyone survive this?) and promptly begins driving Moretti's girlfriend Genelle with his penis. When the affair is discovered Moretti kills Genelle and frames Derek for her murder. He's convicted of the crime (must of had a bad lawyer) and sentenced to death at a prison that conducts medical experiments on the prisoners through a covert government operation led by Col. Gordon Burgess (Saxon). This takes up the first 20 minutes of the movie which is way too long of a setup to introduce the "innocent hero" in a prison setting. The prison that I speak of has a corrupt head guard, Raker, that works for Moretti and answers to Moretti's homosexual inmate brother Franco and his boytoy Sean whom Raker gets "intimate" with during the film. Anyway, a new serum that's supposed to give ordinary men super strength is injected into one of the inmates about to be executed (does anybody think that super strong convicts might cause a problem?) when he turns into a zombie-like monster a begins killing his captors. Turns out that this infliction acts as a virus and the first signs of infection are persistent nosebleeds before succumbing to it. Derek manages to escape his cell during the attack which he then frees the other prisoners, who are more than cooperative for death-row inmates mind you, and organizes a hostage exchange with Col. Burgess who is watching the whole mess unfold just outside the prison. With the prison quarantined along with a few new guests, a former co-worker of Burgess turned newswoman Tanya Karrington (Tane! McClure) her cameraman and Vic Moretti himself looking to free his brother Franco minus his boyfriend. Will anyone survive? How will they get out? Will Tane! McClure show off her wonderful breasts? Does she ever fail to?

I don't know where to categorize this one. Clearly this was meant to be more of an action film under the original title of "Death House" rather than horror. When the zombies finally figure into the story it's only sparingly with too much emphasis on Derek's vendetta against Moretti. The gore is okay, not anything special and downright silly in one scene when someone loses an arm, and there are a couple of topless scenes including the absurd daydream that Derek has of Tanya. Speaking of the lovely Tane! this movie supposedly introduces us to Ms. McClure meaning that this was her first film. Not true! While "Death House" came out in 1987 McClure starred in the 1986 Klaus Kinski slasher "Crawlspace" in 1986 billed only as Tane!. You can find this in the bargain bin DVD section for about $1 which is all I would pay to see this nothing more. Disappointing.

John Saxon. Why else wouldn't you watch it? Not only does he star, but also directs. "Zombie Death House" was a modest horror b-grade cheapie that I wanted to like more than I actually did. Sure it was amusing and rather oddball, but the threadbare execution doesn't gel with its cartoonish ideas and mangled plot involving many genres / themes. It starts off like a systematic crime joint (interesting montage in the opening credits), finds itself turning into a prison yarn and then hell breaks loose as a genetic virus (from an experimental drug) turns inmates into unstoppable zombies while innocent people find themselves under siege in the prison.

Sounds crazy as it throws in everything but the kitchen sink, however in the end it's rather monotone in its developments and a lack of directorial flair (although Saxon enjoyed using slow-motion) really does show it up. Little atmosphere or tension arises from the repetitive situations and the editing is clunky, but still there's a certain raw, brutal edge to it and some moments of pulsating graphic make-up FX offers creatively icky surprises. It's tacky and primitive, but Saxon does a decent job making it tight even though its slow to get going and with the dreary prison surroundings a suffocating strangle hold is constructed. Where it actually surprised though was the performances; mainly those playing the bad guys; John Saxon, Tony Franciosa and Howard George as the head guard. Saxon gives a typical conniving turn as some sort of ice-cold patriotic CIA agent who likes to preach, but it's Franciosa who's the life of the party as a mafia gangster. The rest are acceptable even with Dennis Cole's wooden persona in the lead and the ravishing Tane McClure looking professional. Also appearing is Alex Courtney, Michael Pataki and Ron O'Neal.

Formable, junky low-grade entertainment.

"Don't touch my twinkies"!

Quite honestly, this has to be one of the worst films I have ever put myself through. I didn't even make it through the halfway mark, and that's saying something, considering I have watched some pretty dreadful films. I don't think the filmmakers even knew what kind of film they wanted to make. A mobster drama, or a horror film. It plays as both. The former taking up a good third of the film. So, my advice... avoid it unless you want to give up and hour and a half of your life, that you will never get back. Granted, John Saxon is a wonderful actor. But his talent as a director leaves a lot to be desired. Oh, and one more thing, the $1000 Shock Insurance Certificate that was included with the DVD, should be used to provide the first person who dies of boredom, not shock while viewing this awful film.