Dis - en historie om kjærlighet

This is probably the worst movie ever made, the worst about it is that it's norwegian. Norwegian moviebuisness isn't exactly the best in the world, which by the way is perfectly illustrated by this dreadful, lame no-good piece of "art". A disgrace for all mankind!

'Dis', meaning fog, supposedly refers to the director's cerebral condition at any stage of the production process. This cannot possibly be called a piece of work as the intra-skull fog is miraculously transmitted directly to the screen. If there is any content at all in this thing, apparently deserving the label film because there is movement on screen, it is garbage. No kidding, garbage takes actually up the screen in a pivotal scene, a love scene actually. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't mean that this is a peak, because there are no peaks, no pace. In line with the title this is an endless piece of uninteresting sceneries, desperately seeking excitement in so-called exotic places. You have to be prepared for it, because you will be bored and at best bewildered if you're not watching it for the purpose of entertaining yourself by the ridiculously crappy lines (or lack of them), direction, photography, cinematography, edition, idea. The masterpiece is that this low-budget film got any funding at all. My vote must be 1, but with this remark: The bottom end of the scale is way too kind in this case, but by all means: this is absolutely fascinating.

The Bergen (Norway) Cinema director in 1995 had the sense - at the time when this ghastly film was first (and never again!) sprung upon unsuspecting audiences in Oslo and other major Norwegian towns - to refuse to show it in Bergen cinemas. He stated when interviewed that to show this to an audience of adults would be adding insults to the injuries already inflicted on other unsuspecting cinema goers.

How right he was! Of course, in a country like ours, this one-hour-and ten-(???!!!)-minute piece of pure rubbish was immediately given its (undeserved) cult status. Whether it has ever been shown again - in cinema clubs or on late evening trash programs during film festivals, one does not know. I was lucky to be spared the embarrassment of walking into a cinema, paying the exorbitant price for a seat there, only to walk out again after 10 - 15 minutes of sheer and utter boredom.

Instead, I cunningly waited until the "director" (who was hot news for the usual "5 day wonder-story" during the newspapers' silly season in July) came to this town where his (hrrrmmm!!!) masterpiece was not to be shown, to sell and sign video versions of "DIS". I couldn't resist the temptation (who would?!) - and collected enough money from friends and colleagues (the equivalent of a bus ticket from each) to be able to queue up and buy a copy. The price of the video then was approximately the equivalent of two cinema tickets. The video was duly signed (and perhaps blessed?!) by Mr. Aune Sand himself) since I was about 40 years older (then) than the very young female teen-agers who had lined up to buy their copies.

Some weeks later, the donators were invited for dinner, and a showing of Mr. Sand's masterpiece. My wife - who had entered the wrong cinema in another town and already struggled through it - gracefully left the group after dinner, and went to do something useful elsewhere.

We, then, were left to watch it. None of us had seen it before - and as we gathered courage, refilled glasses, had some coffee and lit a few cigars and candles - we finally sat down to watch it towards midnight.

To cut a long story and an even longer stretch of boredom short: those of us who did not fall asleep (it was after a 5-course meal) or made frequent trips to the "bathroom", or went out for a quick, quiet smoke on the balcony, valiantly sat through it - all trying to stay awake during an hour where time really dragged its leaden feet through the mires of an amateur production that ideally belongs to, and should never have left, the wastepaper-basket where it should have been thrown together with the parts and scenes which were (one hopes!) discarded. One has, though, a feeling that nothing has been discarded, the way the film appears to work its way through its four endless scenes!

The video has "a bonus"... A short film (lasting 8 or 9 minutes, I think) called "Kysset" ("The Kiss"). Anyone who can sit through that without yawning 5 or 6 times or more may have a chance to sit through the first one or two sections of DIS without getting fidgety. Others, though, may feel that 60+ minutes of one's life could be spent in a better way than watching this - which is about as exciting as looking at a glass of cold water becoming lukewarm - such as, for example, sleeping comfortably in one's bed as opposed to dozing off in a chair in front of a TV-screen.

I hardly ever do the latter - life is too short and too exciting for that! - but watching this film is the closest I've come to do so.

On low budget Aune Sand made this (50.000 $) terrible film about love passing through 4 years - meeting the same people randomly. There's no dialog, but only the young peoples thoughts. The film is full of unintentionally totally comical parts like:

When the film opens with a REALLY long sequence with Siv Stubsveen tossing and turning in the bed for 5 minutes - and then she tell us (in her thoughts) - "I couldn't sleep". The cinema audience just HAVE to start laughing after being so bored!

And e.g. Later, when they think (not talk) about the American car which has been driving on dusty American desert roads since the fifties, and it is a car made in the mid-sixties!

The most fun part is actually noticing that Aune himself is wearing the same pair of ripped jeans for the 4 years the film is covering(!).

You'll love the comic in France when Aune enter a coffee shop, randomly running into his former girlfriend (Stubsveen), while wearing Rollerblades, not able to use them. It's REALLY far worse than anything Ed Wood would have made.

OK! I've seen this film 3 times on the cinema, and is probably one of the reasons it became a box office hit. (Norway's biggest compared to the production costs.) All the critic's reviews did set a bottom 1 for this film.

A masterpiece for a film-club, if you want something really bad and unintentional funny. Beware. Aune sand has been filming his Russian girlfriend for the next movie. They split up after the filming!!!

I strongly feel I could take the 82 dollars used to make Dis snore-a-thon and make an infinitely more interesting movie. I would take a camera, start it rolling, and throw it off the Empire State Building. The acting would be better, the story would move faster, and the ending would be less predictable.