Conductor mortal

The cover art for 'Plughead Rewired' definitely grabs your attention. When I saw the plugged mug of Vernon Wells at the video store I thought it was Christopher Reeves at first glance. After actually picking it up and reading the blurb (possibly the greatest blurb to ever appear on a DVD cover) I realised it wasn't him but that this was something I had to watch.

I was warned of its awfulness after reading the other reviews on here but decided to plug into it anyway. I didn't realise what I got myself into. It takes a special kind of genius (or two in this case) to create something so mind numbingly pointless and incoherent (90 odd minutes of it in fact).

The storyline (I use that lightly), acting and dialogue are so wonderfully stupid I couldn't help but fall under its spell. Its got a Deborah Shelton topless scene (in the desert), Paul from 'Cheers' in a quirky and unnecessary role, Tom Kenny from 'Mr Show' as a loopy guru, and the queen of straight-to-video herself Traci Lords, what more could you want from a low budget sci-fi flick? If you're not keen on wasting an hour-and-a-half of your life then stay away. Im cool with it though.

Plughead Rewired: Circuitry Man 2 (1994) is a film I recently watched on YouTube. The storyline follows a detective seeking to track down Plughead, enlisting the help of his pleasure-robot companion from the first film. Meanwhile, Plughead teams up with a new scientist in a scheme to uncover the secret of life and sell it for profit.

The film is co-written and directed by Robert Lovy (in his directorial debut) and Steven Lovy (Circuitry Man). It stars Vernon Wells (The Road Warrior), Deborah Shelton (Body Double), Jim Metzler (L. A. Confidential), and Traci Lords (Cry-Baby).

The return of many original cast members was a definite highlight, and the settings, costumes, and performances exceeded expectations. However, the storyline ultimately falls short, lacking the creativity needed to make it stand out. The makeup and special effects are solid, and the film redeems itself somewhat with an entertaining ending.

In conclusion, Circuitry Man 2 is a very average sequel that suffers from uninspired writing. I'd rate it a 5/10 and only recommend it to diehard fans of the original.

I haven't seen the first Circuitry Man, which might be why Plughead Rewired left me so baffled. Or perhaps the reason for my bewilderment is that the film is a load of old twaddle - a confusing, sloppily directed mess with a terrible script and shoddy acting. Yes... that sounds more likely.

The plot? I wish I could tell you with certainty what the film was about but I'm not 100% sure. It all has something to do with cyber-villain 'Plughead' (Vernon 'Bennett from Commando' Wells), who is trying to control influential people via 'longevity chips'. But there's much more to the film than that, very little of which makes sense...

Traci Lords plays sexy blonde Norma (which is actually Traci's real name, fact fans) who is being blackmailed into assisting Plughead (although why he needs her help in particular is never explained). There are two crazy criminals who have escaped from a prison work detail on the Earth's surface, where it is so polluted that people must wear oxygen masks to survive. Hot brunette cop Kyle (Deborah Shelton) and synthetic pleasure android Danner (Jim Metzler) attempt to track down Plughead to put an end to his tyranny. And a pair of kooky lawmen speed across the planet in a supersonic car.

The action is all very scattershot, cutting between characters with little regard for narrative cohesion. Random nonsense includes Kyle digging up desert carrots to counteract pollutants in the atmosphere, the lawmen looking at mugshots on a Viewmaster, various characters interfacing via cables plugged into their necks, and matter transportation. The visuals are cheap and nasty throughout, with terrible sets and shoddy special effects (the use of a really naff 'negative image' filter being the absolute pits).

Wells, in the titular role, hams it up a treat, but the worst acting comes from Nicholas Worth as escaped criminal Rock, who is almost unbearable: even the lump of rock that he carries around with him puts in a better performance than he does.

2/10. Plughead Rewired narrowly escapes getting the lowest possible rating thanks to a gratuitous sex scene between Kyle and Danner (busty babe Shelton getting topless), the presence of pouty ex-porn star Lords (who doesn't get naked for a change, although she does squeeze into a figure-hugging little black dress), and Plughead exploding at the end.

Okay the movie is pretty lame but it does have it's comedic moments and it's full of cringe making one liners and bad jokes. Some of the performances are okay (Lords and Metzler). Vernon Wells is hysterical as Circuitry Man and goes way OTT. The ending brings the film down but I guess it's in keeping with the films overall corniness. Average but fun.

I've seen a lot of crap movies in my time but Plughead Rewired is the pits. Imagine you're writing a sci-fi movie and your best idea is that there isn't enough oxygen but you can survive by eating special space yams that contain air. Would you just give up and accept you had no good ideas? I would, but not these guys! The plot is so incoherent and pointless that describing it would only make it sound better than it really is. Suffice to say it ends abruptly with no resolution and in the least plausible way possible with the components on offer. Plughead is hardly in it which is a shame because he is marginally interesting.

This film is an exercise in tedium, it's bundled into those "200 horror films for £10" DVD sets because it's basically worthless.