Loca Academia de Policía - Misión en Moscú

I now know how everyone felt about these films. The first six I got through ok, I have a pretty wide sense of humor. But this, oh is it awful. I mean come on, George Gaynes is now the lead actor in the credits?! Bubba's gone, Matt McCoy's gone, not even Lance Kinsey's Proctor came back. And poor Charlie Schlatter. Six years ago he was starring opposite the legendary George Burns in "18 Again," and now he's doing stuff like this. I feel for ya, bro. But as far as the film goes, here's what passed for a joke: Gaynes getting into the wrong car and riding with strangers...oh stop, your killin me! And way too painful sight gags like Bailey's inner ear being yanked with an earpiece through a wall. Mmm, that was just tough to watch, not funny. I have to come clean here, though. I did not see this entire movie. I gave it 45 minutes but just couldn't take it anymore, it was just too putrid. I didn't even get my customary smile at the opening credits when Robert Folk's familiar P.A. theme started up... they revamped the damn thing! Yuck, stay away from this dreck.

I can't say I laughed (but, well, I rarely laugh at movies) but I liked it. I liked the way Russians were portrayed in the movie (being a Russian :)) I have not seen other PA movies, so I can't compare, but this movie was interesting to me from the point "how do they portray us" :)

Imagine having your testicles ripped off by a Grizzly and you're half way to appreciating how painful an experience this movie is. Whatever you thought about the previous Police Academy movies (and I'm not particularly fond of any of them) they at least fitted in to the genre of comedy. This one creates it's own sub-genre: the anti-comedy. There's not a single joke in the entire film that makes any sense, and this is partly due to the fact that the script reads as though it was translated from English into Russian and then back again. And I'm not trying to insult the Russians. They get a hard enough time in the movie. If the makers of this film are to be believed, the Russian people are a humourless bunch, and so you imagine that the producers thought that a film with absolutely no humour in it would go down a storm with Moscow audiences. Now, I've never seen a Russian comedy, but I think it's safe to bet that they're better than this.

In one scene, a character batters a hole in a hotel room door using an ice bucket stuck to his head. I don't know why, and it's typical of this film that you're never quite sure what it is you're supposed to be laughing at. The jokes just rattle on and on like this making no sense whatsoever.

If you were to convince yourself that what you were actually watching was a serious drama about the mental illness of a high-ranking police officer lost in Moscow, you might get some perverse pleasure out of this. On the video packet, though, the distributors assure us that it's a comedy, so you can't even give the film the benefit of the doubt.

It's interesting to note that after the Police Academy team's adventure in Moscow, the authorities saw fit to let them back into their own country, where they went on to make Police Academy : The Series which is, believe it or not, even worse than this.

Best to watch this drunk. And with the television switched off.

The fine men and women of the Police Academy get seconded to Moscow to help the police there deal with the threat of the Moscow Mafia. Namely one Konstantine Konali who has invented a video game that is sweeping the nation. He plans a sequel that will include a piece of software that will him access to any computer that comes in contact with the game. Can the officers get enough evidence before he succeeds? Meanwhile Lassard gets lost and moves in with a Russian family.

I always feel that when even the support characters start to back out of a film series then you're onto a loser. Surely the fact that even Steve Guttenberg felt he'd had enough by part 4 should have told the makers and the audience that enough was enough. The plot is – oh arse, what's the point!!? Imagine all the characters being allowed to get into all sorts of stupid and unlikely situations all in the name of dumb jokes and you'll have an idea of what this is about. The plot of bringing down the Russian mob is only evident at the start and end – the rest of it is just one silly pratfall after another. Some of it is amusing – I've always found Lassard's innocent wanderings to be pretty funny and the only smile I had was where he wnet off with a Russian family!

None of the cast have anything approaching ambition or drive. They seem happy to be sitting in their cartoon characters for 7 movies! Gaynes is as dopey as ever but I like that. Graf is dead now and it's sad to think this is his legacy. I have seen him in other films and he's OK when he's not just shouting and firing comedy guns. Winslow needs to get a new act – does anyone find `the human sound effect' funny anymore? Easterbrook is blonde with large breasts – and that's all the film needs her to do. Schlatter makes a weak lead man and is real poor. But wait – my God but who are these support actors?

Is that Claire Forlani? Why yes it is, well I suppose she was still at the bottom of her career ladder. Oh no – tell me that isn't Ron Perlman, but it was and he just seems content to be in an American movie no matter how bad it is. Worse still is the fact that Christopher Lee is in this at all – I know he is having a great spell at the moment but is this how low he sunk at one point?

Overall this has almost no smiles in it never mind laughs of any form. Even die hard fans of the series and idiots who laugh when they see the colour red will struggle with this.

This is a very advanced film. Pay no attention to past detractors who spectacularly fail to *read* the ironic witticisms of this amazing film, for this carefully constructed little gem tips its hat at past masters of the genre such (particularly Fellini) then proceeds to walk its own path of joyous hilarity.

Several key scenes are particularly brilliant, particularly the tongue-in-cheek satire of Bertolucci (no less, in the bathroom!), and the film resolves to a stunning climax whereby morality and forthright honesty overcomes all potential obstacles.

I strongly urge you to watch this film; its significance and monumental importance will forever stand the test of time.

10 / 10