No Contest

Disclaimer for avid Shannon Tweed fans: there's no nudity whatsoever in this movie. That could be surprising to some, but as I always say: guess there's a first time for everything. This isn't really the kind of sleazy soft-core flick Tweed is usually known for either, it's more of a sleazy dumb action flick. I'll never go as far as calling this screenplay unsubtle, but at one point Tweed's character is described as "Bruce Lee with boobs". Just saying. The whole thing is entertaining enough though, mainly because of the bizarre choice of co-stars. Rowdy Roddy Piper and Andrew Dice Clay, who the hell did the casting on this one? Whoever it was, he or she rules the Earth. The action scenes look pretty good too by the way, Bruce Lee with boobs kicks some serious ass at some point. This movie actually looks like it was meant to be as generic and cheap as possible, but luckily there's too much coolness in it to make that happen.

******SPOILERS****** Andew Dice Clay, Brice, is far more funnier trying to be an over the top evil villain in "No Contest" then in any of the stand up comedy acts that he does on stage and on cable TV in this laughable action drama. The film is about Brice and his cohorts taking over a beauty contest, the Galaxy, and holding the six finalists as well as the host and former Galaxy contest winner Sharon Bell, Shannon Tweed, hostage. In order to let them go Brice wants a ransom of ten million dollars in diamonds.

Brice rewards the Galaxy contest winner Miss France, Julie Armstrong, with a bullet in the head just as the shocked crowd was expecting him to crown her. Brice and his gang then effectively wiped out the security guards as well as the TV crew who were broadcasting the event on live TV.

A sub-plot soon develops about this whole crazy venture when it's revealed that one of the finalists Miss USA Candy Wilson, Polly Shannon, is the daughter of US Senator Donald Wilson, John Colicos. we are told that Wilson was involved with Brice in a Columbian drug ring and that he had Brice double-crossed and thought that he was killed by the drug dealers. Somehow Brice managed to survived and is now back for revenge. There is also another sub-plot involving one of the finalists Miss Germany, Chandra West, also being in on the hostage taking as well as being Brice's girlfriend.

The gang that Brice has in this adventure is one of the biggest bunch of mixed nuts ever put together in crime movie history with the overly macho Victor, Nicholas Campball, and obnoxious former professional wrestler Roddy Piper, Ice. Ice was so unintentionally funny that he spoiled the little tension that was still left in the movie when he tried to be bad and evil. Instead Ice came across like a cross between the Honeymooners Jacky Gleason and Saturday Night Lives Chevy Chase slipping and falling all over the place.

Even though Robert Davi,Sgt. Crane, is the top star in the movie he was completely overshadowed by the very physical and free-swinging and kicking Shannon Tweed who did all the work dispatching the gang of kidnappers. Davi just limped, he was a disabled Secret Service Agent in the film, along for the ride.

The movie moved toward it's inevitable climax as Sharon almost single handedly kung-fu'ed the Brice gang out of the movie leaving just him left to have it out with her on an hotel elevator for the films dramatic ending. It was next to a miracle that Sharon was able to stand up by then after the pounding that she took, as well as gave, during the movie up to that point.

Shannon Tweed was very exciting and nice to watch in the action scenes as well as in the sexy clothes that she wore. She in fact never took her clothes off during in the movie. Andrew Dice Clay showed what a "Ham Actor" he really is if he was just given the chance like the movie "No Contest" gave him. Robert Davi was the invisible man by going through the entire movie almost unnoticed and the girls held hostage were anything but sympathetic with their unconvincing acting. showing almost no fear at all of their captors, no matter how hard they tried.

The character who I think was the real villain and most believable person in the film was Senator Wilson, John Colicos. Senator Wilson showed what we see in the news every day that if your in power and keep getting re-elected you can get away with anything even murder.

Shannon Tweed as a heroine? Andrew Dice Clay and Roddy Piper as bad guys? All three in a DIE HARD rip-off taking place at a beauty pagent? Hey, this isn't going to be a masterpiece, but it sounds like it would be great fun as a trashy movie!

I said "sounds like". But I was sorely disappointed. Tweed doesn't get naked. The action scenes aren't that great. Clay and Piper aren't that campy, and don't seem to be that enthusiastic.

Not the worst DIE HARD rip-off out there. But _nowhere_ the great movie it could have been. I know the premise sounds great, especially with those actors, but trust me, it's disappointing.

Many would consider this to be a ripoff of Die Hard, but other than locations and antagonist plotting, "No Contest" has a completely different mood. Firstly the primary protagonist is largely unwillingly and frightened, and Shannon Tweed is not terrible in giving a sense of realism to it. Secondly the villains are hilariously captivating, particularly Roddy Piper and Nicholas Campbell as henchmen with over the top cheesy dialogue.

The cinematography is also surprisingly good with competent angling and rendering. Overall it's actually fairly entertaining although it does run out of energy and ideas by the end.

Shannon Tweed's first attempt to change her image and become an action heroine is also one of her best films. To be more accurate, it's the best of the three or four films that I've seen her in so far. It's nothing more than a "Die Hard" clone, and Robert Davi is wasted, but the pacing never lags, the direction has energy and Tweed is fairly convincing as a kick-boxer. (**1/2)