The Protector

I saw this movie in college six years ago. It was late, we were not all there, you get the picture. At the time I remember it being funny. So I saw a copy on ebay cheap and figured I'd buy it.

What a stinker! I don't think I could ever be in the such a bad state that I find Body Armor funny again, much less exciting as an action film. The dialogue is slow. Matt McColm's acting is terrible. The bad guy is ridiculous. Oh, and who brings their accountant along on a stakeout???? Aside from the eye candy of Shauna O'Brien and Annabel Schofield, there is nothing in this movie that makes it worth watching. Go get something else, anything else. Or, if you must, buy my copy off ebay.

You know, in modern age of corporate slop, it's almost nostalgic to see a movie that knows exactly what it is. It's not amazing, but some of the cast really helps it move along - especially Ron Perlman as the villain.

In the final act, he even keeps talking to the hero on loudspeakers watching him through the cameras - absolutely ridiculous, but if you embrace the cheese, surprisingly fun.

It's absolute shlock, but it's definitely not boring - it's briskly paced and filled back to back with comedy, tension and action. The comedy isn't the best and it's the weakest part, and action is a typical low rent direct-to-dvd stuff, but overacting makes all the scenes way more fun than they should be.

1st watched 10/18/2001 - 4 out of 10 (Dir-Jack Gill): I actually expected this title to be much worse than it really was, but it still was not good enough to merit it a good rating. Actually decent performances from Matt McColm as the he-man star and a good supporting role from Clint Howard as his silly accountant sidekick, but they couldn't overcome the bad plot with dim-witted unrealistic responses to the situation from mostly everyone involved. The plot revolves around a money hungry virus-vaccine producer who decides to make the virus first, put it airborne then make millions on the vaccine that he was ready to put out on the market because he knew their would be a need for it. Pretty smart guy, except that he didn't expect he-man bodyguard turned private eye `Conway' to be on the case and spoil his whole evil plot. Conway ends up getting the virus and here is where the movie becomes down-right ridiculous and then turns even sillier at the end with former lovers bickering with each other in the after-life as the credits role. A-Pix entertainment doesn't usually even come close with it's offerings but this one was closer than normal but still a grade-b movie that tries to be a little more than this but doesn't pull it off.

I liked the design of the lead character for this film and the basic premise of the virologist bad guy. I also like the always adorable Annabel Schofield.

Aside from that the film is lousy. Bad performances from everyone including Ron Perlman, who is usually very convincing in aloof shadowy roles (particularly his TV role as Beauty and the Beast's Vincent), simply underscores the bad dialog, the silly story line, and the listless direction.

Annabel seems to have a gift for rescuing really bad films from the absolute dung heap (cf. Solar Crisis).

Actually event if the story is not the best one in history, I have to admit it's a pretty good surprise thanks to Matt McColm who is rather impressive in the role of an action man. He is a better actor than many of his asskicker-colleagues and seems to really enjoy being in front of the cameras and not only to hit some dudes.