Hideous!

Here is the thing. You have to enjoy cheesy horror movies. To be delighted by the bizarre also helps. Hideous! is a weird movie involving collectable biological oddities preserved (mostly) in formaldehyde, a girl band in a cage rocking out, and a mutant born of noxious waste hell-bent on getting revenge or eating people or something. A quirky movie that entertained me to no end just by it's amusing oddness. The topless bandit didn't hurt either. If you like Full Moon Pictures, you will probably like this one. If the Puppet Master or Subspecies movies didn't do anything for you, then you should probably skip it. But, if you are ready to take a leap of faith and/or have a backup video at the ready, get a copy and set back on the couch for a bizarre evening.

Ok, with a title like HIDEOUS! you know right off-the-bat that the

filmmakers weren't out to win any Oscars with this offering.

Surprisingly though, what director Charles Band and his co-horts

at Full Moon Pictures do accomplish is a much better B-movie

than one might expect.



The plot is simple yet completely deranged: a "biological oddities

broker", Belinda Yost (Tracy May), and her two, wealthy, high-profile

collector clients, Napolean Lazar (Mel Johnson Jr.) and Dr. Lorca

(Michael Citriniti), square off against one another over a deformed

specimen found at a local sewer filtration plant. One has his half- naked, gorilla-mask wearing assistant Sheila (Jaqueline Lovell)

steal it while the other hires a P.I., Det. Kantor (Gerard O' Donnell)

to track it down. Everyone winds up in a strange, Transylvanian

castlesque mansion fighting one another until, lo-and-behold,

monsters come to life and all hell breaks loose!



Granted the story isn't great, or barely even good, but the film does

manage to shine in a few areas. The cinematography, despite

what is obviously constructed on a reduced budget, is top-notch.

The film is also well-directed, given the poor material with which it

contends. Well paced and shot. And some of the portrayals and

acting/actors are much better than what one might encounter in

similar features and situations; on one end, fine performances are

given by Lovell (who is very easy on the eyes, I might add), May and

O'Donnell (O'Donnell should be making "real" pictures), but then

we have to contend with over-indulgent, ham from Citriniti,

Johnson Jr. and Rhonda Griffin. It comes out even I suppose.



But the most disappointing aspect of HIDEOUS! by far has to be

the creature effects. They are just plain awful. The deformed

monstrosities look more like skinned Muppets, yet with 50 times

less articulation. They can barely move, mutter incessantly, run

around oozing goo and bring the possibilities of the picture down

quite considerably. And the "sex-scene" is too unbelievably stupid

to describe, but is a must-see! Yes, HIDEOUS! is meant to have a

comic undertone for certain, but chances are the viewer won't be

laughing "with" the makers of this ugly nugget.



5/10. This all could have been avoided if they'd used

Tupperware...

When sewage workers serendipitously discover a discarded and deformed fetus, several collectors of medical oddities vie for possession of it. Subsequently, the fetus, along with others in a collection, come back to life and begin wreaking havoc. The plot offers an interesting premise, as medical oddities are an exotic source of fascination, as well as a dark biological aesthetic which lends itself well to the horror genre, while providing an antidote to the sterile and plastic commercial culture which permeates the mainstream media.

While the viewer may be inclined to perceive the reanimated fetuses as the antagonists of the film, the real antagonists are the collectors - Elvina, Napoleon Lazar, and Dr. Lorca. They can be characterized as such because (1) they seek to obtain the deformed fetuses for their own personal collections, thus gratifying their own egos, whereas such preternatural specimens should be studied by science, or if such specimens are to be put on display, it should be a public exhibition in order to stimulate the intellectual curiosity of the novelty-starved masses. Preferably, they should be in a museum, ideally one that specializes in medical oddities, such as the Mütter Museum in Philadelphia. (2) They are antagonists because they continue their pursuit of the fetuses even after they discover that the specimens are not only alive, but sentient. Therefore, they would exploit the fetuses for their own gain, despite the fact the fetuses express (in the form of writing notes!) their preference to be left alone. This can be symbolic of how businesspeople view the consumer as a commodity - a means of improving one's "bottom line" - rather than as beings with their own desires. The deformed fetuses, therefore, are not antagonists but antiheroes. They only cause trouble once their desire has been disregarded. This film contains some creatively sexy scenes. Regarding sexual content, mainstream films tend to offer little more than mundane male-female sexual intercourse. B-movies often deliver a refreshing selection of uncommon/unnatural sexual scenes, serving to satisfy one's desire for an alternative to routine and unimaginative sexuality. "Hideous!" is no exception, and in fact, the sexual scenes make for some of the most appealing content of this film.

"Hideous" is the most professional Full Moon film on the surface. Its beautifully shot, very well-cast and makes use of an epic and atmospheric locale. But unfortunately it features one of the driest, most predictable and uneventful scripts. Charles Band directs in his usual cheapo style with loads of longwinded, faux-intellectual dialogue, sloooooow scenes where nothing happens and loads of stale or over-the-top acting. The incredible production value of this film should've been given to a Puppet Master film. Puppet Master 3 shows what a good budget can do for a Full Moon movie, but that film also succeeded because had Band his hands off artistically.

This is a decent watch if you want to see great low-budget cinematography or a 1940s style "old dark house" story redone in the 1990s. But its not entertaining enough or weird enough for the average audience.

HIDEOUS! is another classic from the heyday of Director Charles Band's FULL MOON productions. It has all the right ingredients, including an opening that features two men skimming a huge raw sewage vat for "artifacts"! The fiendish Dr. Lorca (Michael Citriniti) is a collector of such "treasures", and will pay any price to procure them from the sludge. What are these precious finds? Why, freakish mutant fetuses of course.

Trouble breaks out when Lorca's rivals show up at his castle, along with the FBI. Horrible fun ensues.

BEST SCENE IN THE MOVIE: Lorca's faithful assistant, Sheila (Jacqueline Lovell) topless, in leather shorts! Wearing a go-rilla mask! With a gun! In the snow! My friends, this is why god created cinema!...