Dead Men Can't Dance

Okay, yes, this wasn't exactly a high power movie. My impression is that this was originally considered as an answer to G.I. Jane, but with the star power in a strange side story that really had little to do with the main character, other than adding a love interest and some mental anguish.

The fight scenes are fairly contrived, true. The degree of realism is less than believable. And if you can distract an Army Ranger from his assigned guard duty with a cable hack of "Dirty Dancing", then our military is in serious danger. And, if the military (at the supposed time of the movie) hasn't trained any female Rangers, then where did we get the female drill sergeant that runs them through the training? On the other hand, this is a movie with Michael Biehn and Adrian Paul that didn't get any coverage in movie trailers, and is likely only to be shown on the late late night movie when the regularly scheduled Brian Bosworth movie doesn't show up. If you're a fan of either of these actors, and are only looking for a movie with the two of them, then this isn't so terrible. I got my copy from a used book store, and have to agree that it was the cover that got my attention. Both Biehn and Paul have the best scenes and dialogs out of the cast. (If nothing else, Paul's pick-up line involving "Mr. Happy" is one of his better moments.) It does play shamelessly with bits from other movies, including what appears to be a co-ed shower that almost smacks of the "Starship Troopers" scene.

I would have to say that this isn't the worst movie I've seen. See this movie with an open mind and a willing suspension of disbelief. Or, find yourself a good movie editing system, and remove all other sections of the movie that don't involve Biehn and Paul. It will probably make about the same amount of sense.

"Dead Men Can't Dance" is a film that relies heavily on other films, interweaving plot conflicts and cliches that we've seen a million times before into one motion picture. However, the ones they use to combine work nicely: A small all-women platoon fights its way through Vietnam, trying to figure out which among them are spies and which in the government are the villians working alongside the enemy. Sure, we've seen it all before, but in order for a film like this to work, it must take the cliches seriously and make sure they flow and interlap smoothly. This film does that, and it knows how to make them work. After all, this is a movie trying to be an action flick, not a serious approach to the Vietnam War.

The cast is generally good- Michael Biehn, Mark Edward Anderson, and Adrian Paul stand out as the men trying to lead the women to victory, and most of the women, played by a bunch of unknowns, are well played. Its almost as if all the actors know that their characters are paper-thin and designed to be cardboard cutouts, and they choose to have fun with it. This factor helps tremendously.

However, despite these pluses, the film as a whole is extremely poor. The camera work is shoddy, and the production values are terrible. It looks as if it was filmed with a cam corder most of the time, and the synthesizer music only adds to its cheeziness. Some directors can hide a low budget (1993's "Fortress" is a good example). This guy, however, cannot. The results are an impressive, if overused, plot with lousy details around it. And if you don't have the visuals mastered in war films, you don't have anything.

*1/2 out of ****

I caught this movie on television on a Saturday afternoon and the thing that caught my eye was the "artistic license" taken on military details. While I know that movies require a certain suspension of disbelief, I was aghast by the aggregious inaccuracies in this movie. The movie depicts a squad of female Army Rangers on a covert mission inside of North Korea. While there is no such thing as female Rangers in the US Army, I would be able to overlook that little detail if it were not for the fact that they looked absolutely silly in a hodge-podge of military acoutrements that they were forced to wear. The costume person on this one should be ashamed of themselves. How much time, effort, or money does it take to research the basics of military uniform? From the Ranger tabs sewn onto their black berets, to their camoflauge t-shirts. I honestly thought this movie was a comedy at first. I was shocked to see Michael Biehn and R. Lee Ermey in this. You would think that both would have insisted on a certain degree of accuracy.

You should know that direct-to-DVD movies about the military are going to be full of tired cliché's. This one put just about every single one I can think of in the mix.

Kathleen York has an Oscar nomination for Crash, but it is for the music. Stick to that because we don't need another G.I. Jane. especially one that gets a Ranger badge just for being slapped a couple of times.

Michael Biehn (Aliens, The Terminator) was her love interest and probably the best thing about this flick. At least he appeared to know something about being military.

R. Lee Ermey (Full Metal Jacket) made an excellent slimy Senator, and I always enjoy Grace Zabriskie ("Big Love").

I guess there is a good reason I have not seen anything before this that was directed by Stephen Milburn Anderson or written by Paul Sinor. It is not likely that I ever will except by accident.

The presence of action and adventure film veterans Michael Biehn (Navy Seals), Adrian Paul (the "Highlander" TV series) and R. Lee Ermey (Full Metal Jacket) couldn't resuscitate this flick... the dialogue and plot rarely rise above sophomoric quality.

A major exception to that observation is an excellent gritty monologue delivered by R. Lee Ermey as a Cold War relic of a CIA bureaucrat pining for the good old days early in the film. More illustration of the conflict between Ermey's old-school spook and the (aw, crap!) lady general in charge would have helped the film considerably.

The cinematography is right down there with Saturday morning "hop n'chop" martial arts films - disappointing, considering the crew was equipped to do better. I frankly was angry that this movie didn't have more polish and visual impact than it does.

Also, the technical adviser was either absent or not being listened to by the director and writers. The military details - vignettes of Ranger training and the way in which Biehn and Paul's sniper/spook characters operate ring palpably false - lack the authenticity which even the average modern TV techno-thriller series has - even the later, more disappointing seasons of "24" inspire more willing suspension of belief than "Dead Men Don't Dance."

Finally, the plot peters out toward the end. It's neither compelling nor plausible. You don't strongly care about the characters toward the end, you're just grateful for the end credits so you can get on with your life. The bad guys are predictably bad, the plot twists, while not quite telegraphed, are not terribly surprising either. If a plot twists out in the demilitarized zone somewhere and no one's paying attention, does it make any difference?

The title of this film should be "Night of the Living Dead Plot." You'll never get the hour and a half of your life spent watching this turkey back; paint your house if there's nothing on the tube besides this... watching your walls dry will easily be more entertaining.