The Naked Detective

This movie was the worst movie I have ever seen! NOT!!!! Just kidding! This movie was great! I laughed the whole way through the movie, and if this movie wasn't a Comedy it should be. The great combination of nudity, action, and mystery had me sitting on the edge of my seat. I mean how can a movie like The Naked Detective be any better?

Well, for a soft-core late-night cable flick, I've certainly seen worse. It seems to try to be wryly comic, but largely misses the mark. Or maybe it was supposed to be campy, but misses that one, too. The ladies, Julia Parton (aka Nina Alexander), Taylor St. Clair, Camille Grammar, née Donatacci, and Carolyn Smith, are all lovely. Interestingly, the one who showed the best acting chops and comic timing was Miss Parton, the one with the most experience in real porn. However the eight breasts between them could have lost about twenty pounds and looked much better. And who decided that women should be naked and making love in a bed, yet still wearing shoes? This is very common, but disconcerting to me.

I just finished watching "The Naked Detective" and boy, was that movie something. The women in this film were HOT. Let me say that again...they were HOT! After that nurse came strutting out, I didn't even care that much about the plot anymore, just get that nurse naked.

We start with Sam Drake, Private Eye. He's in his run-down office, while he's narrating in the style of the old film-noir movies of the 40's. In walks Roxanne (Taylor St. Clair), in true femme fatale fashion. It seems that someone is trying to kill her old, clinging-to-life husband Higgie. When I saw this guy, hunched over in a wheelchair, I knew that any woman who looked like Roxanne was obviously married to a geezer like this for his money.

Also populating the household are Carlo, the chauffeur, Higgie's son Junior, his money-grubbing wife Irene (Julia Parton), the naughty nurse Annie O'Shea (Camille Donatacci), and the horny maid Jane (Carolyn R. Smith). These four women (Roxanne, Irene, Annie, and Jane) have got to be the best looking foursome of women I've EVER seen in a softcore flick. I've seen movies with better casts, but that's usually because there's 6 or 7 women in them. To get this much out of so little is amazing. Annie was the best looking woman out of them all, though. Blonde, busty and very curvy....oh man, I need a cold shower.

All of the women were trying, in one way or another, kill the old guy to get the jackpot. So, when he does drop dead during dinner, the search goes out for the culprit. Sam Drake spends the weekend interrogating (and having sex with) all the women of the household. When he does finally find out where the newly-written will is and figures out just whodunit, it seems anti-climactic. The final scene, where Sam spells out who did it in true detective fashion, was hilarious. Furthermore, there was plenty of funny dialogue throughout the movie, such as Sam agreeing to take on Roxanne's case for $30 a day and an egg salad....no wait, a tuna fish sandwich. The story was a little flimsy, but the high "Women" grade makes up for that. The comedic dialogue balances the shallowness of the storyline. The sex scenes were all in slow motion, as if I was watching one of those softcore films Marilyn Chambers usually does. All in all, this one was tapeworthy, and I'm sure glad I taped it.

Women: A++ (The first ever A-plus-plus grade goes to this fearsome foursome of ladies. If I lived in a house with a wife that looked like Roxanne, a maid like Jane, a nurse like Annie, and a daughter-in-law like Irene, I would be an extremely happy man.)

Sex: B (Plenty of sex scenes, but in painfully slow motion. Speed them up and we've got something here.)

Story: B+ (Your run-of-the-mill whodunit, but the funny dialogue won me over and made me overlook most of the plotholes.)

Overall: A- (This one hangs on in the "A" range on the strength of its female cast. The sex scenes were good, but not great, and the comedy in the script kept me laughing in between the sex scenes. A definite change of pace from the usual "erotic thriller" stuff I've been seeing too much of lately.)

This is a great comedy, full of laughs and suspense and enough eye candy to keep the boredom away. I did not want this movie to end, i hope it is released on dvd format soon. Highly recommended to those who like chuckles alongside their sex.

I love it when producers and directors use actors from the adult movie industry in their projects. This movie includes Julie Parton and Taylor St Claire. They were very sexy in this movie and it is easy to download clips of their x rated performances.

The sexy blonde nurse is dynamite and you might be surprised to find out who she is. I could not find this movie on DVD but downloaded it from a porn website. There are no x rated moments in The Naked Detective but it is funny and sexy. That is enough for me.

This old combat veteran is grateful to all who were part of this project. You blazed a trail which is followed today by my favorite TV shows on HBO, Showtime, Cinemax, etc. I salute you!