- Eddie Brodsky: Four women in the same elevator. I haven't been with four women in the same time zone.
- Eddie Brodsky: Sex is not a transitive act. It is an intransitive act.
- Ray Obregon: If you talk like that to her, it will be a non-existent act.
- [Ed envisions his breakup with translators to help]
- Anne, Ed's ex: I'm like a balloon and you're like a rock.
- Female Translator: I'm open to change. You're an immovable objest who can't see the benefit of a little risk.
- Eddie Brodsky: I think you're wrong.
- Male Translator: I'm right, as usual.
- Anne, Ed's ex: I just think we need to take some time to rethink what we're doing together, maybe make some things a little less exclusive.
- Female Translator: There's a guy at work who makes the zipper on my jeans melt.
- Eddie Brodsky: (to translator) No.
- Female Translator: Yes.
- Eddie Brodsky: I don't think it's healthy for us to see other people.
- Male Translator: If I see you with that guy, I'll kill him, and/or separate him from his most precious organ with a dull butter knife.
- Anne, Ed's ex: Look, I just need to take some time to figure things out. I just need some time. Is that too much to ask?
- Female Translator: Wake up, it's over.
- Eddie Brodsky: My head hurts.
- Male Translator: My head hurts.
- Anne, Ed's ex: Call me later. I'll be home.
- Female Translator: If you think I'm going to change my mind, you're dreaming.
- Eddie Brodsky: Yeah...fine...alright...okay.
- Male Translator: I cannot put into word the feelings raging within me at this moment. Suffice it to say I am now envisioning putting a gun to my head the moment you walk away from me.