Body Trouble

Many people will probably never know how truly awful some movies can be. Perhaps they've seen such atrocities as "Battlefield Earth" or "Crossroads". Maybe they've even seen a lot of the horrific stuff that was on MST3000.

That all seems tame compared to films such as this. Every conceivable problem arises with this clunker. Let's see what we have here: There is narration more obnoxious than listening to Rosanne sing the national anthem for 20 years. A musical score which would've been more appealing if they recorded an angry chimp taking out his aggression on a piano. Editing which was apparently done by a 4 year old with a pair of scissors and glue and a blindfold. A screenplay which might as well have been written by randomly stringing words together.

The problems just go on and on and on. Is your idea of excitement seeing Dick Van Patten making out with Priscilla Barnes? What about James Hong making out with Priscilla Barnes? Perhaps you enjoy watching people play roulette in a New York comedy club/casino. (What the...?!!) If so, then this might be your cup of tea. If not, then I would recommend running as far away from this movie as you can. 1/10

See if any of this makes sense: Marty Rackham is a screenwriter/undersea-treasure-hunter who goes diving with his father- in-law to be Dick Van Patten, gets attacked by sharks, left for dead, become a New York City stand up comic, meets with his brother/narrator, incurs the wrath of The Riddler, goes to the Caribbean, is seduced by Priscilla Barnes (ewwwww) etc.

"Body Trouble" is an inept crapfest with no comic timing. It's one of those comedies that decides sex equals humor. The plot is all madcap nonsense which is not rare for a comedy but even a comedy can't get away with it if it isn't funny.

There is nothing believable here, nothing seems real, so really there's no basis for any of the weak jokes. For example, the viewer is expected to believe that the characters find Priscilla Barnes sexy. Who the hell would even dare to kiss that creature? An ugly blonde in a red dress and lipstick is still ugly. By the same token, Rackham is no good as a stand up comic, his timing sucks. The movie sucks, if I haven't made that clear yet. The production quality is fitting for softcore porn, but the sex isn't much better than the jokes, so this movie can't work on that score either.

There are twists and such as well, and a murder plot, but it's all just part of the mess.