The Roller Blade Seven

This has to be the greatest practical joke ever. I'm amazed that all the other actors kept a straight face. I might be wrong but the impression I get from this movie was that they duped Frank Stallone and Joe Estevez into acting in this movie that has a budget of just under $40, depending on how much those nerf bats and spray painted catcher's equipment cost, create the most incoherent movie ever created, and sit back and laugh at the fact that Joe Estevez and Frank Stallone weren't in on the joke.

If by some chance they weren't kidding and they legitimately tried to make a real movie then I feel sorry for everyone involved in the creation. I've had quite a love affair with cheesy movies, but this movie is so bad I can hardly watch it. They repeat pointless "special effects" so many times that it's obvious they were just trying to cover up the fact that they only shot 30 minutes of footage. If I were forced to watch this movie on repeat I would bludgeon myself unconscious with my own hands after about one and a half times through. No offense to the great Frank Stallone, but I would rather watch Sylvester teach a fingerpainting class for 10 hours than watch that movie ever again.

okay, let's cut to the chase - there's no way i can give this anything other then 1 out of 10; and yet you have to see it! The acting is bad, but is nothing like as bad as the script, which itself pales before the production values. Cardboard axes? yup, we've got then. Car floor mats painted silver and used as armour? here it is!

The film itself pretends to be artistic, but is just cheap; the same shots are used repeatedly - especially in the drawn out fight scenes; there is (thankfully!) very little dialogue, and there is much 'artistic' music to ram home the horror!

And yet all this awfulness is compelling - you have to watch it through just so that you can say you've seen it. I've not even got onto the barren sets, the 'plot', or the risible special effects; this really is the 'how not to do it' school of filmmaking. This must be viewed - spread the word, and let the world all join together in puzzling over what on earth is happening at the end

The best thing, though, is that they made a sequel.

This film is, far and wide and beyond any shadow of a doubt, the single worst and most contemptible film in the history of the universe.

It really *is* that bad.

Personally I have always enjoyed the guilty pleasure of a terrible film, and rented this one thinking it would be one of those. To my immense disappointment, it was not.

The script is delivered in a way that sounds as if they're reading the lines directly off placards, the story makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, and the actual film looks like it was shot on a home video camera. I couldn't even finish watching it. It is even worse than "Witch Academy", and that's quite a feat in itself.

I cannot even begin to fathom how a director could shoot this film, and then still have the sense to believe it was decent enough to release.

Painful, awful, horrendous.

I knew that I was not about to see a quality film when this title was included in a 'B-grade video night' at a friends place. Despite the warnings, I was still surprised at just how bad this film was. It was fortunate that there were a lot of us there to share the pain with each other... The film attempts to tell the story of a dark future, one in which Hawk (a Mad Max type of character) heads off to rescue a damsel in distress. In reality, the plot is a thinly disguised excuse for the producers to promote their own philosophies on life (watch the end credits and the 'these people are not real' disclaimer at the end for a real laugh). The movie is frequently lacking direction, and fails to develop its characters to any degree whatsoever. What's even worse though is the editing of this film. The film repeats scenes (often 10 to 20 seconds long) up to 4 or 5 times in a row. I think that this was an attempt to emulate things like Jean Claude Van-Damme fight sequences, but if it is it fails utterly. The film would probably be about 1/3 of its length if we weren't forced to watch the main character move his head in front of the setting sun half a dozen times (yes, that's all that happens in that repeated scene). I give this movie my 'worst film I've ever seen' award. I doubt that it will be topped any time soon.

I bought this movie from a market stall three years ago.. I gotta hand it to you when I sat down and watched it.. I thought 'OK! This is gonna be another big action B-movie..' Obviously I was wrong.. While watching this film.. I began to realise that this movie was taking me to another planet.. full of cr*p!

I began to get really bored and fed up with this film.. Although I wanted to see was gonna happen in the end.. I really felt like it was really getting on my nerves..

The people behind the film may've brought some well known name actors into this project.. But what were they thinking..? Even these actors couldn't save this film..

At the end of the film.. I felt like this was a waste of money.. just buying this low life sucker of film for a small amount of money. A few months later, I sent the tape off to charity.. I didn't want to see it again..

Sorry! But if you're thinking of watching a movie and then nodding off to sleep.. I can highly recommend it you.. Me? I'll rather go on Pro-Plus and watch something decent..!

Disappointing 1 out of 10!