Abraxas, el guardián del universo

The overall story is not dreadful, but it plays along as if a 10-year-old wrote it. Combine that with sub-sub-par acting, minimal (at best) effects work (someone had a lot of fun with gasoline explosions), and a soundtrack that sounds like it came straight from a bad '70s porn flick, and you end up with "Abraxas." There are a few funny parts, though. One was Jim Belushi playing a principal named "Latimer." That was his character's name (and position) in his earlier movie, "The Principal." The other was a character saying "a parsec is not an acceptable unit of time measurement on Earth." Obviously, a nod to the infamous "Kessel run in less than 12 parsecs" line from Star Wars. Overall, if you don't *have* to see Abraxas, don't.

He's no Laurence Olivier, but Jesse Ventura is very likable as an actor. Low-budget science-fiction B-flick with shades of "The Terminator" involves good cop Ventura chasing bad cop Sven-Ole Thorsen from the future to present-day Canada. The shoestring special effects are pretty much a joke, and the film never comes up with the kind of futuristic scenario depicted on the poster. However, this thing is almost single-handedly saved by handsome Ventura's low-key performance. No, he's not going to win any awards for his acting, but he doesn't force his dialogue and is an appealing presence on the screen. The picture is the epitome of mediocre, it isn't original nor remarkable, but on a minor, TV-viewing level it's decent fare. ** from ****

Pitifully bad direction and a story that borrows liberally from "The Terminator" and "Firestarter", producing a hybrid that is strictly second-rate. Ventura and Throsen do make a fun pairing, though, but there are too many anticlimactic fight scenes between them; Ventura is a galaxy cop and Thrsen is his renegade ex-partner out to figure out the secret to "anti-life", whatever that is.

A forgettable film that poses as science fiction but is really about big sweaty guys fighting in poorly staged battle royales (in Sam Peckinpah-style slow motion, no less). To be avoided by even the B-movie fan in search of derisive laughter.

This film is so awful - anyone with a good sense of humor MUST see it. I laughed more in this movie than any intentional comedy I've seen in years. Atrocious dialogue. Strange, creepy scenarios featuring Jesse Ventura and a mute little boy that were supposed to be emotional and touching but seemed to accidentally imply some kind of molestation. Random lines about the "comater" and the "anti-life equation," which are never explained. Attempted humor that is so not funny it's hilarious. Extremely painful soundtrack. A desperate Jim Belushi cameo with a progression of dialogue that ends up making no sense.

Everyone must see this movie. Show your friends. Besides Joseph Merhi's "Mayhem," this is the funniest terrible movie I've ever seen.

Anyone who writes up a serious critique of this movie is INSANE!!! It's hilarious, end of story. Thank God somebody made this film. Laughter therapy all the way.Among the sordid and strange moments in this movie are scenes a women giving birth without taking off her pants, and disturbing (but funny) "moments" of bizarre intimacy between the lead man and "Tommy" the young alien/human hybrid. MST3K would have fun with this one but it's already so funny on it's own there's probably not much they could add.Just go in expecting the corniest plot, most cliché-filled narrative, and worst acting you've ever seen in a movie and you wont be disappointed. Just don't eat while watching, you might choke. 10 line minimum huh? Well that's all i have to say. :)