- God: Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to make the world spin backwards briefly and reverse time so that you can prevent your finger from getting caught.
- Joey Russo: I thought only Superman could do that.
- God: He stole it from me. That's why I had him killed.
- [Joey meets God over a game of pool]
- God: I bet I can make that shot.
- Joey Russo: You can't make that shot.
- [God makes the shot]
- Joey Russo: Wow! That's a miracle!
- God: THAT was skill. THIS is a miracle.
- [God points at a ball and it rolls into a hole]
- God: Nietzsche once asked, "If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?" And do you know where he is now? He's in the woods pondering his question.
- Joey Russo: So does it?
- God: All I know is that if a tree falls in the woods, it's gonna go "boom".
- Six LeMeure: Just because your parents couldn't work things out that doesn't mean that my parents can't work things out and they are NOT getting a divorce.
- Six LeMeure: [crying] Yes they are.