State Park

In 1988, this would've been a three at best, but because it is so gloriously 1980's, it's a five here from 2024.

So hard to believe this film is almost forty years old.

It does have one of the most 1980's movie scenes ever in the recorded history of film, ever!

In one continuous shot, a dude about to dive into a lake, strips off his jeans and (in all seriousness) reveals that underneath it all, he's wearing cutoff jean shorts, yes, jorts!!!

He's like, I'm jumping in there, hold up, unzips, pulls off the tight jeans he was already wearing, and right underneath, even together jorts!!!

And then he dives into the lake!!

Amazing!!!

Of course this film is silly and meaningless.

Eighties stereotypes reign supreme.

The geeks and nerds.

The glam metal made up punks.

The dumb jocks.

The pretty sorority type girls.

But they should've called this Provincial Park as this appears to have been filmed in Quebec.

Oui, it's true!

And the story is about white dudes in suits (who else?) inexplicably wanting to dump toxic waste at the provincial, I mean, state park.

An unknown vigilante in a bear suit keeps sabotaging their progress.

The girls are pretty.

Their hair and makeup obviously of that time.

Oh, and Ted Nugent is in this!!

He really is!!

Even one of his songs is in it.

I would've seen him in concert around this time with .38 Special!!

But I've never heard of this film.

It's not a bad day at the park.

It's just a way better time warp.

No way!

Way.

"State Park" is a better-than-average late addition to the 80's B-List sex comedy genre. I prefer slashers with a similar budget personally, but it has a decent nostalgic feel. It reminded of "Memorial Valley Massacre" without the murderous cave-boy. This was released on an extraordinarily expensive VHS under the title "Heavy Metal Summer" but is currently free on Prime, Tubi, and Freevee etc under the "State Park" title. You can save a couple hundred bucks viewing it that way. Meryl Streep's doppelganger from NOES2 falls in love with an eco-terrorist in a bear costume (he's no Uncle Ted). They team up to compete in a kayak race (for 5k) while fighting an evil developer "toxic dumper", his henchmen and his kayak race ringers. There is about a combined two minutes of nudity, including a girl who becomes sexual aroused by giving out (multiple) haircuts. Two "Heavy Metalers" (who have a cool van) create a band with the actual Ted Nugent and an elderly couple. The grandma plays a chainsaw like she is in the southern hair metal band Jackyl but I think they were going for WASP. They also participate in the race. The soundtrack blatantly rips off Yello's "ooohhhh yeahhhhh" song, but it also has songs from Nugent and The obscure hair metal band TT Quick (they had Accepts vocalist for one album in 1986) . The best dialogue is between one of the "Heavy Metallers" and his summer his love interest. It's worth a watch. For fans of Screwballs, Joysticks, Last Resort, Nightmare Sisters, School Spirit, Vice Squad, and all the sequels to Meatballs, Porkys and Revenge of the Nerds. It falls firmly into the "So Bad It's Good" territory. 6.5/10.

Do yourself a favor and watch a candidate for best worst movie.

Whole lot of fashion victims got together and filmed a movie so terrible the refused to put it in videohound books and so 1980s that it is shocking the word ozone is not mentioned. On the other hand it has some very decently looking actresses, teases us with just enough nudity to barely..... just barely hold our attention, throws in ted nugent because...... reasons, and surrounds the whole silly affair with a lunk headed dumb plot about corporations, toxic waste, and environmental concerns. There's also a heavy metal band in the spirit of KISS camping (do people like that ever feel the need to go camping?) lessons about not judging people, some sort obstacle course race at the end and you sitting in your living room having just lost half an IQ point that you'll never recover no matter how many times you read A Brief History of Time. But the tits are nice....

I recently watched State Park (1988) on Tubi. The storyline centers on a businessman who plans to build a factory and dump waste in a local state park. A man in a bear costume, along with a group of random teenagers who wander into the woods, band together to stop him.

The film is co-directed by Kerry B. Feltham (Chicago 70) and Rafal Zielinski (Fun), and stars Kim Myers (A Nightmare on Elm Street 2), Isabelle Mejias (Scanners II), James Wilder (Zombie High), and Walter Massey (Zombie Nightmare).

This felt like a low-budget knockoff of Meatballs Part II. The man in the bear costume was bizarre, and Ted Nugent's cameo didn't quite land-it felt more like a gimmick than a memorable moment. The movie is full of classic '80s summer camp hijinks: not especially creative, but filled with the usual tropes-attractive young women, gratuitous nudity, and slapstick humor. As expected, it all leads to a climactic series of games to "save the park," and to be fair, the final games were genuinely fun and entertaining.

In conclusion, State Park is a campy, unoriginal '80s summer comedy that leans heavily into the era's cheesy charm. I'd give it a 5/10.