Robot Ninja

Don't get me wrong, I rented because it looked so bad... call me a masochist. I'll never have that hour and a half back. But I look at it as a positive experience, now I know what NOT to do if I ever make a movie. I especially love when he repairs his arm with the junk on the table, and how the lead bad girl rapes the guy. How does a woman rape a man? Oh well. Like I said, it was fun, but only because it was so bad it was good. Don't rent it expecting anything other than a good laugh at these poor souls' expense.

I bought this movie for six dollars at this place that smelled like green beans. I thought it'd be cool, because I adore both robots AND ninjas. I feel I enjoy them equally. Both are enriching, and make for splendid film components, be it sci-fi, drama, or what have you. May I state here that this horrid film contains neither a robot nor a ninja. It does not even feature a robot that happens to be a ninja, or vice-versa, as the title would seem to imply. Rather, it is about a comic-book artist who is angry that there is crime, and decides to dress up like a comic book guy and mutilate people in disgustingly low-budget ways. The lead character is by far the least likable character in the movie, which says a lot since many of the other characters are in fact rapists. None of the violence is at all realistic, or at least I hope it doesn't look that gross when you poke people's eyes out. Linnea Quigley and Burt Ward are both in it, for whatever reason. They must be astonishingly poverty-stricken. Anyway, you won't like this, and I'm sorry I purchased it. You should probably destroy any copies you are able to get your hands on. Please do so now.

My friend and I rented this movie because it has two great words combined into one crappy movie. Robot Ninja! He got sick of women kickin his butt so he donned a spandex "tank armored" suit and became the robot ninja. It sucked so much it was funny. I recommend it to fans of G.I. Bro and Frogs! Well that's it... time to write my paper on this magnificent piece of crap probably made in someone's closet or laundry room.

...here it is.

I rented this in my early teens sometime, actually hoping for a Ninja movie, or better yet, a ROBOT Ninja movie.

The main character and some inventor guy make this costume, and becomes... THE ROBOT NINJA! dun dun dun....

Well, it's a guy in a dumb looking suit. He's not a robot, and he's not a ninja. I'm pretty sure he never even tried to do any sort of "ninja move" either.

The whole thing was really really boring and lame, and I'm sure that if I watched it again now I'd laugh my ass off at how horrible this thing is. At the time I wanted a damn ninja movie, and this thing just plain sucked.

Could have used more ninjas, robots, and robot ninjas.

Let's just make this clear: you might think a movie like Robot Ninja would be one of those transcendent B-movies that's good despite its non-existent budget, or that, failing that, it would be so bad and goofy that it would end up being hysterically funny and therefore a good time to be had by all.

But if you thought that, you'd be wrong. Dead wrong. Because watching the entirety of Robot Ninja will annihilate your very soul. I mean, I like camp as much as the next guy, but what I DON'T like is an hour and a half of pure torture, and there's simply no other way to describe this tenth circle of Hell. The only, only way I would ever recommend it is if you need to build up your tolerance for the worst movies of all time, so that you might be able to watch, say, Voodoo Academy without dying of lack-of-ambition poisoning, or Teenage Barbarians without succumbing to a fatal case of cultural shame. Other than that, stay far, far away.

In conclusion, Robot Ninja is the devil.