The Cool Surface

Tormented writer draws inspiration from the life of the girl-next-door for his next novel. But, as topless Teri Hatcher looks to be giving him the book his publisher has been begging for, the writer falls for her. The kind of film where anger can only be represented by a character punching a table top.

Jarvis Scott (Robert Patrick) returns to home in L.A. after finish writing his novel in isolation. His girlfriend committed suicide which affected his writing. His editor Chazz Stone (Matt McCoy) hates the new book. He becomes invested in his neighbors' volatile relationship. He writes a new book with him and his neighbor Dani Payson (Teri Hatcher) as the leads. Dani reveals the abusive relationship is actually a rehearsal for a play. Jarvis starts dating Dani but she keeps pushing him to the edge.

This is a rather sad and boring erotic thriller. It has no thrills to speak of. The erotica comes from Teri Hatcher. I don't know if they're real. They are spectacular but they're not enough to make a bad movie good. The actors may be willing but nothing else is. The script is horribly boring. The production is ripped out of every bad 90s late night cable movie.

I caught about 15 minutes of this on cable while on a trip. It intrigued me enough to rent it. What a mistake. Robert Patrick plays a writer. Early in the film, his writing is criticized because his characters can't make up their minds...well this film suffers from the same thing. The characters change so much there's no chance for the audience to start caring about what's happening.

Such a pity! The Cool Surface is one of those films in which the viewer can tell early on what the filmmaker is trying to do, but it's so clunky it has a paint-by-numbers feel. On any level of honest, objective scrutiny it is uneven and uninteresting. The sum is so much less than the underwhelming parts! Hatcher plays her role as a sultry siren way over the top. Considering her considerable natural talents and attributes, the result is beyond overkill. Robert Patrick alternates between a boring, sulking wimp and an unconvincing psycho. I don't remember seeing Patrick in anything else, but I hope he's better than this. Hatcher sure is. As to Matt McCoy, this is the first role I've seen him in where he isn't downright creepy (also a natural attribute?) - maybe just because he has so little screen time. Oh yeah, there are a few sex scenes, including Hatcher cameoing her bare chest (remember Seinfeld: "Yes, they're real, and they're spectacular!"). Without Hatcher's visibility in these gratuitous sex scenes, this film probably never would have seen the light of day. As it is, The Cool Surface apparently went straight to video and has only resurfaced as Hatcher has recently risen from the ashes like the mythical phoenix. No deep messages here, just glossed-over sleaze - a barely par production to give the otherwise unemployed (and woefully under-utilized) something to do. No great resume builder for anyone involved. A real time waster!

When a writer moves back to Hollywood looking to regain himself, find new material and meets an attractive actress next door looking for her big break who's using who? Robert Patrick was coming off his success with T2 and Teri Hatcher was about to become TV's Lois Lane. As a fan of Patrick, I finally get around to seeing 'The Cool Surface' which is mostly remembered for Hatcher's nudity.

This is a dtv trip that rides a fine line between some decent acting and suspect dialog. It's also fairly low budget and rather slow in spots. Plus Patrick sports a horrible haircut, glasses mentally goes all over the map while Teri takes her clothes off once or twice, but the sex doesn't seem like it's sole purpose. Unfortunately the noir thriller elements aren't always handled well.

What do we make of the writer? Is he going crazy? A serial killer? Is the actress leading him on? Perhaps the male voice screaming over select parts of the soundtrack highlights the descent into insanity. 'The Cool Surface' wraps up feeling decidedly average. Veteran actor Matt McCoy and Cyril O'Reilly (Navy Seals) the only supporting cast of note. Fans of the two leads might be interesting in checking this out, but if that's not you I'd leave this curiosity piece alone.