As Good as Dead

Crystal Bernard is "As Good as Dead" in this 1995 film written and directed by Larry Cohen. Before the day of home computers, Larry Cohen's grammar school-aged daughter had to write a short report. Mr. Cohen used the typing agency where I worked to type his scripts. So on a Sunday, I took a cab to his beautiful home in New York City, got the hand-printed paper, went home, typed it, got in a cab and brought the typed paper back. We also typed a couple of scripts for him in the office. He would dictate them and take on the accent or emotion of the characters. I've followed his prolific career with great interest.

In "As Good as Dead," Bernard plays Susan Warfield, who works in an office. She takes a hep, sick young woman, Nicole (Traci Lords) to the hospital and gives the desk her own insurance card so that Nicole can be treated. Otherwise, they would have to go to the county hospital.

Susan tells her office she has to have surgery (as Nicole does) and then takes off on vacation so as not to run into anyone she knows. When she returns, Nicole, assumed to be Susan, is unexpectedly dead; Susan's apartment has been cleared out, and her job is gone. The strangest part of it is that a half-brother that Susan isn't aware she has made all the arrangements. Susan has no choice but to move into Nicole's apartment and wear Nicole's trendy, too short clothes until she can find out why Nicole died and who this mysterious half-brother is.

This is actually quite an interesting film, very Lifetime, very TV movie, but entertaining with good performances. Bernard is likable, Lords is Lords, and Judge Reinhold does very well as an attractive man who becomes part of Nicole's (Susan's) life.

Mr. Cohen's daughter is undoubtedly married now with children of her own. Though this film was made in 1995, he is still very active as a writer. Thanks to the computer, I'm still typing.

I chased this movie in on-line auctions and finally got it. It is a must for fans of the beautiful Miss Bernard. As for entertainment value, I would give it a 7 out of 10; as for quality of content, well, the movie is kind of predictable and were it not for the beautiful miss Bernard and the interesting role of Mr. Reinhold it would be barely watchable. If you are a fan of Crystal Bernard, you really have to see it. If not, then approach with an open mind.

If you are a cult addict like me, you'll love this film. This movie is from the same director who did the 70's cult film "Bone" (which i highly recommend). I love strange, cheesy, campy movies...And this is definitely one of them. If i wanted something serious or mainstream, I'd go rent a Julia Roberts film (that's if I could stand her). This movie is not to be taken seriously and it's pure enjoyment from beginning to end. Not a dull moment. Plus, Traci Lords is in it... how could you not expect it to be a campy movie? I'm waiting for this one to come out on DVD to add to my cult collection.

I don't see the thrill in watching Crystal Bernard on screen. In this vehicle she impersonates a sex-pot. Her clothes alone, what there is of them, look like they shrunk on her in the wash. Her makeup is over the hill and she has this mop of hair that belongs in THE LION KING. Sorry, I just don't get it. Judge Reinhold has the male lead and I wonder why he did this loser. He's too good for this kind of trite written and directed by Larry Cohen. Then there's Traci Lords, the porn star which is why I wanted to watch it in the first place. However, she's only in the first part and sadly we are forced to watch Bernard the rest of the time. From 1-10 in TV movies I give it a 2.

I agree with the user above who wrote the summary of this movie. The only reason I watched this was because I found both Crystal Bernard and Traci Lords very attractive. After Traci Lords died in the movie, the only reason I kept watching it was because Crystal Bernard had to dress up in all of Traci Lords mini dresses and she looked very sexy.

Other than that, this movie takes too many twists and turns to be believable. Judge Reinhold plays what appears to be a silly character that turns out to be sinister. All I can say is that if you've got a few hours to kill, you might get a laugh out of this farce.