No Escape No Return

'No Escape No Return' is the type of cornball action flick that only lovers of bad movies or people that stay up past midnight watching tv should take a chance on. It's also not one of PM Entertainment's finest efforts. In an odd bit of foreshadowing, I saw it's trailer attached to their 'Bikini Summer 2' amongst others and it looked the least promising.

Three no holds barred cops - Sloan (Maxwell Caulfield), Cuff (Dustin Nguyen) and Weston (Denise Loveday) - all grew up together as kids and joined the force. They're brought together "since they can't keep a partner" by Det. Dante (Michael Nouri) from the DEA who's on the payroll of a drug baron who wants revenge for his dead brother. Can this trio survive multiple attempts on their lives? Are they deep people with real problems? Did Sloan just do a line of coke? Did Cuff really have to beat the brakes off that guy standing in line to get into a club?

I had a really hard time with 'No Escape No Return' because when it's not looking like low budget crap or acting stupid it's just boring. Cliche after cliche, poor villains (including Nouri) and an unsatisfying end which I won't ask questions of lest it hurts my brain even more. A dog of an action film and I say that as someone who doesn't have high standards if it means being entertained.