- [last lines]
- John Leary: Say it again. What did you say? Say it again. Say it again.
- Dylan Leary: [whispering the name of his mom's favorite story] Jack the Bear.
- John Leary: I moved across the street form a goddamned Nazi. Oh my God! "Niggers and Jews." Excuse me Mrs. Sampson. You're not Jewish, are you?
- Mrs. Sampson: No. I'm a Jehovah's Witness.
- John Leary: We're at a crossroads, can you feel it? It's dark down there and there are things nobody wants to meet in the dark. Whether we'll come out on the other side, hating everything and everybody, I don't know.
- John Leary: [to the neighborhood kids] There's no such thing as monsters. You all know that, don't you? Monsters exist only in ourselves. They live in the darkest chambers of our hearts. They never actually come out into the world. Unless of course a metal light appears in the sky. But when's the last time you saw that? So why don't we try and be adults about this and run along home, okay?
- John Leary: I didn't poison your dog, Norman. If you knew me better, you'd know it's not my style. I'd have shot him.
- John Leary: [about getting his job back] You have to trust me.
- Gordon Layton: Why?
- John Leary: Because I can't lose my kids.
- Norman Strick: I just wanna talk to you, Jack. Don't you wanna talk to me?
- John Leary: Get the fuck away from him now! You touch my son, I'll kill you! You hear me?
- Norman Strick: Okay.
- [first lines]
- Jack Leary: I thought I knew all about monsters. I used to watch them late at night on Dad's TV show. After we moved to Oakland, he stopped doing kid's shows, because he was different now. Everything was different. Now he was Al Gory, monster of ceremonies at Midnight Shriek.
- Jack Leary: I need to know if you plan on being Bozo the Clown your whole life.
- John Leary: Listen to this. Who's the father and who's the son here?
- Jack Leary: I don't know!
- Father-in-Law: You have to be on your guard every minute Jack. The other guy always has a trick up his sleeve.
- John Leary: Whoa, Cookie Monster! Whoa, Cookie Monster! One bag of cookies! One bag! One... one bag.