Beach Babes from Beyond

Back in the early 90's, when the world of "Skinemax" was just beginning and most of the films back then either starred Shannon Whirry or Shannon Tweed, there was a little sub-genre of the B-movie experience called the "bikini movie." This film, "Beach Babes From Beyond", falls into that category. There were so many "bikini" films made during that period, it was unreal....they single-handedly kept "USA Up All Night" on the air and kept Gilbert Gottfried and Rhonda Shear gainfully employed.

The premise of this movie is simple: take three intergalactic space babes, supposedly on a shopping spree with Daddy's spaceship and Daddy's money, and crash-land them on the sunny beaches of California. That should be it right there....the rest of the movie should deal with them attempting to have sex with as many surfer dudes as possible and go home happily satisfied. Instead, we get a variation of STSWB, or "Save The Something With Breasts." A simple plot device, actually. In order to save a (carwash/hotel/drive-in/old decrepit house) from (destruction/a buy-out/foreclosure/an evil relative), a group of girls get in bikinis and try to raise a certain amount of cash in a very short time. It's a tried and true formula that works every time.

The girls offer to enter a bikini contest in order to raise the money. We need an antagonist, so enter Linnea Quigley, a B-movie legend, to send her legion of bikini-clad models in to win the prize. We know how it ends (the good guys always win, you know), so let's not dwell on it.

I had to pop in the tape of this film again to make sure I gave it the correct grade, and fortunately I did. Here's your chance to see Nikki Fritz before she became a soft-core film staple, and the cast is littered with the relatives of actual A-list actors. I guess riding coattails wasn't enough for these folks, they actually want to work for a living!

This film comes in way behind "The Bikini Carwash Company" in the "bikini film" category. In my opinion, "Bikini Summer 3" is barely (and I do mean BARELY) better than this movie, and that's not saying much.

Women: C (The women were okay, nothing spectacular. They looked like I could walk down the street and probably bump into one of them. In films like these, that ain't good.)

Sex: D (Sex? If you call hugging gently while naked, but no actual movement going on "sex", then go right ahead--but I won't.)

Story: D+ (STSWB movies don't do well with me unless there's a whole lot of slapstick comedy, as there was in "Bikini Carwash Company.")

Overall: C- (Barely a passing grade, saved from failure by Linnea Quigley's funny character, the only one with any real development. Don't get me started on old "Uncle Bud." His "aging hippie/surfer dude" character is too one-dimensional.)

In short, if you're channel flipping and happen to stop on it randomly, then watch it. If not, it's okay....you won't be missing much.

And I'm all for a sci-fi sex comedy.

The boobs are fake, there are these interminable beach dance sequences, and... it's got Joe Estevez. Worst of all, nothing about this movie is funny. At all. Oh man, then they wedge in all these horrible songs (I couldn't find any music credits, probably intentional).

I watched the "uncut" version, running a whole 79 minutes (and I did a lot of clock watching). Everything about Beach Babes From Beyond is gratuitous, and carries on entirely too long. So it really makes me wonder, where does the censorship begin and end, and how much is too much? It is a short movie, full of excess.

I loved the opening credits sequence. Fully naked chick in the shower, for as long it takes the credits to roll. Some nice outfits and bikinis, and that's all I got. Plot is asinine, sub plots come out of nowhere.

I dunno, try Space Babes From Outer Space. That is a genuinely good time, the plot is funny (and is an excuse to include sex), and there are fetching ladies in foxy outfits, as well as various states of undress. Likely done on a fraction of the budget this one had.

What a cast this movie has! Estevez! Stallone! Swayze! Travolta! Especially surprising given this is a micro budget beach movie. Oh wait...wait...my researchers have just handed me a piece of paper - the actual cast is Joe Estevez, Jackie Stallone, Don Swayze and Joey Travolta....does that still count? Linnea Quigley's in in as well, does that make up for this? Well, I'll let you decide. Its about a trio of alien babes who arrive on a Californian beach and a whole bunch of barely interesting things follow. Its also worth mentioning that this one also features a knuckle-headed beach band who play a song called 'I've Got a Woody'.

Three bubble brained space bimbos decide to visit Earth. They do so by crash-landing their spaceship in California, where they meet three surfer dudes, who for once, aren't totally unlikeable.

All this... action is interspersed with typical boring softcore sex scenes. These scenes could have been borrowed from any other '90s softcore flick and you wouldn't even notice. Some of them don't even seem to feature any of the characters, just random b-actors, ie. out of work male fitness models, and women with breasts that look like they're made out of plaster.

At least with softcore flicks like this one, I know I can stop paying attention during the sex scenes without missing anything, because they always go on a while.

One of the space-babes proves her extraterrestrial origins by pulling a net off her unconvincing 'spaceship', convincing the surfer dude instantly. The dude apparently didn't notice this large vehicle was right there on his right - surprising, considering the net the bimbo pulls off of it is nowhere near large enough to keep it concealed; there is no possible way he couldn't have noticed it.

Linnea Quigley is also in there, as a lady who knows a photographer and hangs around a mansion. She ties one of the girls up, for some reason.

I guess it wouldn't be a b-movie set on the beach without a musical number that just goes on forever. This might be a rarity in that the band is made up of bikini babes as well, indistinguishable from the ones dancing on stage. The awful song drones on for what seems like forever, but there is surprise nudity at the end.

"Beach Babes from Beyond" was directed by David DeCoteau, a b-movie maven who produced a bunch of enjoyable exploitation flicks in the '80s before turning his hand to increasingly homoerotic, mass profuced fair in the new millennium. He is now famous for the awfulness of his contemporary material - which makes "Beach Babes" look capable by comparison - and the fact that all of his movies feature young men in their underwear.

"Beach Babes" is unfortunately not even one of the better of his early period. Perhaps, when this was produced, his best years were already behind him, but he hadn't found a market for his homoerotica yet.

I recently watched Beach Babes from Beyond (1993) on Prime. The story centers on a group of alien young ladies who crash their fathers' spacecraft on Earth in California while out for a cruise. They meet some young men facing eviction, and the ladies offer to help the boys keep their house in exchange for assistance in getting back home.

This movie is directed by David DeCoteau (Puppetmaster III) and stars Joe Estevez (The Roller Blade Seven), Don Swayze (Evasive Action), Linnea Quigley (The Return of the Living Dead), Joey Travolta (Beverly Hills Cop III), Jackie Stallone (The Appointment) and Burt Ward (Batman).

This movie essentially falls into the softcore porn category, with extended, awkward sex scenes. It's filled with full-frontal nudity, classic softcore background music, and an enticing shower scene during the opening credits. The storyline attempts to mimic the feel-good 80s comedies but primarily serves as a pretext for sexual encounters. The sex scenes are drawn out and may leave even the actors feeling uncomfortable. While the outfits are well chosen, the final "fundraising scene" drags on awkwardly and feels like a poorly executed 90s late-night music video.

In conclusion, this movie is not recommended unless you're specifically seeking a softcore porno film. I would rate this a 3/10 and suggest it only if you have the right expectations.