Beach Babes from Beyond

What a cast this movie has! Estevez! Stallone! Swayze! Travolta! Especially surprising given this is a micro budget beach movie. Oh wait...wait...my researchers have just handed me a piece of paper - the actual cast is Joe Estevez, Jackie Stallone, Don Swayze and Joey Travolta....does that still count? Linnea Quigley's in in as well, does that make up for this? Well, I'll let you decide. Its about a trio of alien babes who arrive on a Californian beach and a whole bunch of barely interesting things follow. Its also worth mentioning that this one also features a knuckle-headed beach band who play a song called 'I've Got a Woody'.

Three bubble brained space bimbos decide to visit Earth. They do so by crash-landing their spaceship in California, where they meet three surfer dudes, who for once, aren't totally unlikeable.

All this... action is interspersed with typical boring softcore sex scenes. These scenes could have been borrowed from any other '90s softcore flick and you wouldn't even notice. Some of them don't even seem to feature any of the characters, just random b-actors, ie. out of work male fitness models, and women with breasts that look like they're made out of plaster.

At least with softcore flicks like this one, I know I can stop paying attention during the sex scenes without missing anything, because they always go on a while.

One of the space-babes proves her extraterrestrial origins by pulling a net off her unconvincing 'spaceship', convincing the surfer dude instantly. The dude apparently didn't notice this large vehicle was right there on his right - surprising, considering the net the bimbo pulls off of it is nowhere near large enough to keep it concealed; there is no possible way he couldn't have noticed it.

Linnea Quigley is also in there, as a lady who knows a photographer and hangs around a mansion. She ties one of the girls up, for some reason.

I guess it wouldn't be a b-movie set on the beach without a musical number that just goes on forever. This might be a rarity in that the band is made up of bikini babes as well, indistinguishable from the ones dancing on stage. The awful song drones on for what seems like forever, but there is surprise nudity at the end.

"Beach Babes from Beyond" was directed by David DeCoteau, a b-movie maven who produced a bunch of enjoyable exploitation flicks in the '80s before turning his hand to increasingly homoerotic, mass profuced fair in the new millennium. He is now famous for the awfulness of his contemporary material - which makes "Beach Babes" look capable by comparison - and the fact that all of his movies feature young men in their underwear.

"Beach Babes" is unfortunately not even one of the better of his early period. Perhaps, when this was produced, his best years were already behind him, but he hadn't found a market for his homoerotica yet.

Watched this for the funny casting. I did chuckle quite a bit at the thought of the advertising posters for this clunker. Stallone, Swayze, Travolta, Estevez!

However, the film is terrible. It consists of a handful of scenes, some of which are stretched out to 10+ minutes. Take away the soft-porn sex scenes and 'extras dancing at a beach party' scenes, and you're left with about 15 minutes of film.

Estevez is actually not too bad as the beach bum uncle. The rest of the cast were awful.

Patrick Swayze's BROTHER??? Charlie Sheen's UNCLE??? Sylvester Stallone's MOTHER??? John Travolta's BROTHER??? Batman's SIDEKICK??? What's not to love? All we need is Clint Howard, LaToya Jackson, and Ron Reagan to make it perfect.

I`ve seen this movie twice, both times on Cinemax. The first time in it`s unrated version which is soft-core porn at it`s best and the second time in a trimmed down (cut all the sex and most of the nudity out) version which was entertaining in a typical beach movie sort of way. The unrated version has a tremendous sex scene with Nikki Fritz, a dude and a bottle of oil which is out of this world (no pun intended). Unfortunately, in the trimmed version that scene is almost completely chopped out, as are all the other sex scenes. Rated or unrated it is still fun to watch all the siblings of bigger stars (Stallone, Sheen, Travolta, etc;) trying to act. We also get appearances by B-queen Linnea Quigley and Burt Ward (Robin from the old Batman series).