- Michael Brody: [to torch-wielding welder wife Carla] I've always wanted to make love to an angry welder. I've dreamed of nothing else since I was a small boy.
- Michael Brody: Dad died of a heart attack!
- Ellen Brody: No. He died from fear. The fear of it killed him.
- Michael Brody: How come it's my responsibility?
- Carla Brody: Because.
- Michael Brody: Oh. OK, now I understand; all you had to do was explain it. I take out the garbage... because.
- Hoagie Newcombe: [last lines, as he is leaving] When I come back, remind to tell you about the time I took 100 nuns to Nairobi!
- Ellen Brody: I want you to get out of the water.
- Michael Brody: What?
- Ellen Brody: I want you to get out of that terrible job!
- Michael Brody: C'mon Mom, you can't be serious.
- Ellen Brody: Damn! I'm serious.
- Ellen Brody: This is so silly! I mean, I feel too old to be in this thing.
- Carla Brody: Oh, I hope not. I mean, I am counting on a long, happy sex life.
- Hoagie Newcombe: I have an irresistible urge to kiss you, Ellen Brody.
- Ellen Brody: Why?
- Hoagie Newcombe: Because... it would not occur to you why.
- Michael Brody: Sharp shirt, Jake.
- Jake: Hey, may your sex life be as busy as your shirt.
- Carla Brody: Why, thank you.
- Michael Brody: You weren't exactly a deprived kid. Think I buy that roots-rock-reggae bullshit, forget it. Cut that hair, and you're nothing but a three-piece suit.
- Mr. Witherspoon: "Get to the point, man," as my wife now says. Okay. Well, in short, art is grease for the wheel of life.
- Narrator: [Only on older TV versions] Since time immemorial, events have taken place with no evident reason for their happening. Such phenomena has been man's dilemma and the subject of constant philosophical discussion. When there is no factor motivating an event, no case of cause creating effect, what triggered the action: fate or circumstances? What you are about to see concerns such an event. Maybe you can determine whether we are dealing here, with circumstances, or fate.
- Hoagie Newcombe: If I go any faster this thing will turn into a flying Cuisinart and we'll all be diced into oblivion!
- Ellen Brody: You know what? Let's pretend this is Buckingham Palace. And you'll be Princess Di, and we'll have a parade with horses. And you'll ride in a golden carriage.
- Jake: You know why you got no ambition?
- Michael Brody: Why is that, Jake?
- Jake: That's what happens when you lead a sheltered Norman Rockwell life.
- Jake: My father used to say to me, "Jake - Jake, man, you got two loves in your life. What you do and who you're with."
- Hoagie Newcombe: Would you risk a dance with me, madam?
- Ellen Brody: You'll be sorry.
- Hoagie Newcombe: So will you. I have two right feet.
- Ellen Brody: That's good, 'cause I have two left.
- Hoagie Newcombe: Well, that's a set.
- Carla Brody: [in bed, tossing her panties to Michael] I'll help you take your mind off things, sailor.
- Jake: When I was a small boy, my father said to me, "Jake - Jake, never do anything today you can put off till tomorrow." And them conch gonna be there tomorrow.
- Jake: Boy, you don't know shit about anything. It's time you learned. I'll teach you how to wear your hair. I'll teach you how to dance. Come on. Teach you how to box. Come on, follow me. Get your butt down here, man.
- Carla Brody: I don't think he's spent much time with a woman like you.
- Ellen Brody: I don't know what he thinks. I don't know what I think. I don't know why we're even talking about this.
- Jake: They spend half their lives looking for food, and the other half eating it, they don't care what it is.
- Hoagie Newcombe: Maybe he's got indigestion. He's already eaten my plane!
- Jake: Everything's cool. You know, I'm thinkin' about yesterday. It's probably all a mistake. He was just hungry. You got that tasty look, you know?
- Michael Brody: Yeah, but how come only me, though, you know?
- Jake: Maybe he just like white meat.
- Michael Brody: You're a funny guy, Jake.
- Jake: She'll be fine, partner. She'll never find that bloody shark, man. We couldn't.
- Hoagie Newcombe: It'll find her.
- Ellen Brody: I don't know why I've told you all this. I hardly know you.
- Hoagie Newcombe: Sometimes talking to a stranger is easier.
- Ellen Brody: I can't explain it. It's just - it's something I feel.
- Hoagie Newcombe: I always listen to my feelings.
- Brody: [Flashback scene from the first movie] Smile you son of a..
- [Cuts to Ellen]
- Ellen Brody: Bitch!
- [Shark explodes]