- Sam Whitemoon: Look at this. Look at this sweetheart. Tell me this ain't a movie star. What're you, kiddin'? They gotta make me a movie star. Hey. As soon as they see this hair they gonna say, "Sam, get over here. Get in front of these cameras." There's a hundred million women out there just waiting to run this hair between their legs.
- Annie Lansing: [hysterical] "What happened, Mrs. Lansing?" "I-I ran over some guy, and over, and over, and over, and-"
- Voice of The Creep: Well, kiddies, that was quite a price for young Sam Whitemoon to pay... toupée, eh?
- Ben Whitemoon: [Ben bids farewell to Old Chief Woodenhead] Now... may your spirit rest, old warrior. Hagoonee. Hagoonee...
- Mr. Haig: Here's your package, Billy. COD, nine dollars and ninety-nine cents. Mighty expensive for a toy ordered out of a funny paper.
- Billy: Creepshow is not a funny paper. And this is no toy.
- Mr. Haig: Well, what is it then?
- Billy: It's a Venus flytrap bulb!
- Mr. Haig: A Venus what-bulb?
- Billy: Venus flytrap. It's a plant that eats MEAT!
- [makes chomping-mouth gestures with his hands]
- Billy: GRRRAAARRRRR!
- Mr. Haig: All that stuff's a jig. Those are probably just petunia bulbs.
- Billy: I don't think so, Mr. Haig.
- Sam Whitemoon: It's okay. There's nobody else around. We're outta here. We're outta here, Fatso! We're outta here, man! We're outta here for good!
- [aims his shotgun at the general store]
- Sam Whitemoon: No more of this baloney, man.
- [shoots a section of the store]
- Sam Whitemoon: No more eatin' dust for a living.
- [shoots another section of the store]
- Sam Whitemoon: There ain't no dust in Hollywood, man.
- [shoots another section of the store]
- Sam Whitemoon: And there ain't no damn tribe of Tommin', wimpy red men, neither!
- [aims his shotgun at the Chief Wood'nhead statue and not only shoots a little piece off, but also spills the can of red paint]
- Voice of The Creep: Young Billy knows his way around town. They won't catch him in a hurry. I think we've got time for one more quickie concoction, a last morbid masterpiece which I call "The Hitchhiker".
- Sam Whitemoon: [calling to his obese friend] Let's go Fatstuff, We got some money that needs spendin'.
- Sam Whitemoon: [to Martha Spruce at gunpoint] His old man bought my buddy here a Firebird, man. A damn Firebird that's gonna fly us all to Hollywood, USA!
- Voice of The Creep: There's a lesson for you, kiddies. Never pick up hitchhikers... on the hood of your car! Well, it's time for this boogeyman to boogie! I'll be slaying you, bores and ghouls! 'Til next issue, try to stay scared, eh? Oh... I almost forgot about young Billy. I think he's coming this way... with his friends.
- Voice of The Creep: Still here, kiddies? Well, if "Old Chief Woodenhead" didn't drive you away, you might enjoy this next splintering tale whittled from the same wormwood. It's a splashy little ditty about some people who are left stranded without a paddle on a sea of blood. This bubbly bonbon is titled "The Raft".
- Voice of The Creep: Welcome, kiddies, to another edition of Creepshow. It's amazing that you bores and ghouls keep coming back for more. You must be glutton for punishment, eh? Well... I guess you bloodsuckers enjoy being repulsed, eh? You're loyal to the gore. Well, that's good. We don't want to be dead wood in our fraternity of fright fest. That just happens to be the subject of our first norsky novella, a nasty little bonecracker titled "Old Chief Woodenhead".
- The Creep (prologue): I've never seen anyone so impatient, Billy... as if your life depended on getting the first copy of the presses.