Nightmare Weekend

Illogical, sloppy presentation will surely have bad movie fans doing a tap-dance of giddy approval. The story at hand concerns a scientist and his super-bitch of a scheming colleague experimenting with computer-generated silver balls that turn subjects into either mild-mannered passive types or mutant killer morons(depending on the level of dosage). Not surprisingly, these tests get out of hand during the progress of some nefarious wheelings-and-dealings, and a group of unsuspecting female visitors to the scientist's country estate find themselves in mortal danger.

Low-ball production looks to have been funded with rolled pennies, and evidence hinting at professional guidance in any aspect of its forging is entirely lacking. Frequently hilarious and generally entertaining for all the wrong reasons, NIGHTMARE WEEKEND is recommended to fans of ultraweird flicks from the wrong side of the tracks.

4/10

Right! Okay. Well, ... um... To be honest, I have no idea where to begin with this one.

Maybe I'll start with some positive notes! "Nightmare Weekend" contains several adorably gooey, cheap-looking, and trashy gore effects that put a smile on my face. It also features lots of pointless soft-core sex and gratuitous nudity provided by naturally beautiful 80s girls, of which one of them later even became a CNN news anchor! That's right, the film stars Andrea Thompson and she has a steaming sex sequence that I bet she doesn't like to be reminded of nowadays. Her bio says she debuted in a small role in "Wall Street". Ha, not!

The rest of "Nightmare Weekend" is utterly insane and unfathomable nonsense! Trying to summarize the crazy plot makes me want to scratch my head, but I'll try anyways. On the countryside lives a genius scientist who developed a method to alter the aggressive behavior of animals. For example, by forcing it to swallow a silver pinball (don't ask...) a vicious Doberman turns into a cute and gentle puppy! Okay, so Dr. Brake is a brilliant scientist, but then again, he also hooked up a super-computer to an irritatingly babbling green woolen socket-puppet named George, and his teenage daughter uses it to play Turbo! The good Dr. Has an evil female assistant, and she wants to test the effect of the behavioral pinballs on humans, so she lures three beautiful but empty-headed girls to the mansion. The girls sneak horny blokes from the nearby bar into the house, and thus the evil assistant has even more guinea pigs. Meanwhile, in the dullest and most redundant sub plot in the history of cinema, the scientist's daughter falls deeply in love with the evil assistant's toy boy, and she seeks romantic advice from the green-haired puppet.

It's mind-boggling when you read it on paper, and I assure you it's even more mind-boggling when you see it on the screen. You have not experienced 80s amateur-madness until you see a sock-puppet yell "Danger! Danger!" or watch how a timid young housemaid turns into a sphere-possessed killing machine. And what is up with that end shot? I'm telling you "Nightmare Weekend" is either totally awful or, like a friend of mine righteously stated, so brilliant that ordinary mortal souls like us simply fail to comprehend it.

WTF?!?! I mean, seriously, what the fµ@k?! Who on earth concocted this script and went out and made this film? They must have had more than a couple of screws loose. So, we have a mansion in which a professor is working on some magical super-computer that can produce evil silver pinballs which can cause behavioral modifications on test subjects - a rottweiler in this case - but when amped up to a level of I-don't-know-what they can turn humans into demented & deformed, possessed beings as well as just plain kill them (like have them explode, for instance). That's about the best I can do in an attempt to describe the premise of this wretched film. So, the professor's evil mistress comes up with a plan to do some more testing - naturally, on humans this time - and invites three good-looking bimbos to the mansion. Some horny dudes are along for the ride as well, eventually. So, evil mistress goes nuts with the machine, producing one magical pinball after another to possess the bimbos & dudes. There's tons of nudity & sex and some gore thrown in for good measurement. There's an inexplicable sequence - many, in fact - where the daughter of the professor is playing a racing game on her computer that magically possesses a real car in the real world. There's even a possessed tooth brush. And this thing stars Dale Midkiff in an early role. And with all this, you haven't seen the half of it yet. Inept & illogical on all levels, I tell you. Everyone involved with this production must have thought the same thing, like pretty much "What the hell, let's just make this insane rubbish as we go along". Pinballs, man, possessed pinballs! Just when you thought you've seen it all...

That's a snippet of choice dialogue delivered by the evil, ballbusting lady assistant of a famous scientist to her prim maid just before she lures three incredibly dumb college girls to a mansion for behavior modification experiments. Meanwhile, at the local bar, people drink and dance to lame 80s rock songs. A biker punk has sex with a cycle slut on a pinball table in front of a crowd of people, then tries to rape the scientist's virginal daughter Jessica (Debra Hunter), who is in love with another biker (Dale Midkiff, from PET SEMATARY), who, in turn, is in cohorts with the assistant! Back at the house, the sorority bimbos swim, shower, change clothes and have sex with men from the bar. A small silver ball (part of the experiment) flies into victims mouths and turns them into drooling, killer zombies!

If that isn't enough to entertain you, there's a hilarious theme song ("Nightmare Fantasy"), roller skating, some serious daisy dukes and a psychic hand puppet (!?) that warns "DANGER! DANGER!" just like the LOST IN SPACE robot and recommends hitchhiking as one of the best ways to pick up men!

This filmed-in-Florida mess is so mind-numbingly awful that multiple viewings are recommended to soak it all in. And, hey isn't that NYPD Blue's Detective Jill Kirkendall turned CNN newscaster Andrea Thompson as one of oft-nude bimbos? Sure is! Supposedly this was started in 1982 and new footage was added later for the video release in 1985.

Score: 1 out of 10 (and I mean that in a good way!)

I happen to be the director's nephew. It's taken me years to get my hands on a copy of this film and I can confirm that it is indeed one of the worst movies of all time. My uncle doesn't even have a copy of it anymore (I asked). I'm looking forward to bringing him a copy.

Currently the film's average rating is 1.9/10. As far as I can tell, that should put it somewhere in the mid-30s in the IMDb "bottom 100," however with only 206 votes, it hasn't yet placed.

It's sad that the film doesn't even get the respect of a bottom 100 title.

Anyhow, I'm giving copies of the movie to family members this year for holiday gifts. Best/Worst gift ever?